I Ran Away

I ran away, but I didn't run far.  The fact that I ran at all was enough for me. 

I had a horribly stressful day yesterday, and all I could think - the whole day! - was how much I wanted...  NEEDED... to run.  So, I got home, changed my clothes, and raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan.  At first, it was no help in clearing my mind.  I was running & thinking "man, this SUCKS", "I'm SO out of shape", "I can't do this", and about 200 hundred other negative thoughts.  I wondered how on earth running was suppose to bring a person clarity, when all it did for me was throw more misery on the plate.  Then, at the point that I thought "I cannot run a single step more", it all washed away.  I realized I wasn't concentrating on the stress, the pain, the hurt...  I was concentrating on making it to a certain point, then slightly past that point.  I was picturing myself, one day in the future, running without the hesitations I felt in that moment.  It felt so, so good.  (Even though it hurt so bad.  KWIM?)

Don't let me paint a graceful picture in your head.  I ran, I walked, I sucked air, I ran, my pants crawled up my waist, I ran, I walked, I sucked lots more air, my underwear crawled up my butt, I ran...  I'm saying I wasn't a pretty sight, but I needed it - to be out there, to run it all away.  It wasn't about what I looked like, or who was watching.  For once, I DIDN'T CARE.  I probably only ran 25 minutes, of course not all of that was actually running, but it was a huge deal for me.  It was me going out the door, all alone, to run.  For me.

The best part was learning that it DOES clear your head.  It did suck (again, I'm completely out of shape from my 2 month long laziness break), but it "hurt so good".  I walked back in my house, sweaty, tired, and de-stressed.  Now, if only I could find a way to avoid the sweat part so I could run my stresses away during my lunch break...