In less than 1.5 weeks (10 days if we're counting, and let's be real here, I'm counting), my son & I enter a whole new world. I've spent a lot of time worrying about this new world, and a lot of good energy stressing about all the choices I'm making & whether what I'm doing is right or wrong. For him. Only it's not just for him, it's for me too. You see, I just realized the biggest problem I have with this new world... I will no longer have full control. The past six years have been wonderful for me because I controlled his whole world.
Yeah, oh boy...
For six years I have decided who takes care of him when I'm not around. For six years I have introduced him to his friends, or had control over the type of environment he was in, knowing (at least in theory) what kind of kiddos would be around him. For six years I've been able to shelter him from people who would crush his ideals, pick on his quirks, stifle his uniqueness, & even encourage him to do the same to others. For six years I've been his world, even when I wasn't close by.
I know this new adventure will eventually change all off that.
He will be put in a class with a teacher I get no say in choosing. He will become friends with people I wouldn't choose for him (and even some I'll even dispprove of).He might get picked on & even bullied. He won't have someone always reminding him of how awesome he is because of his quirks. Then, one day, a teacher might become his world instead of me. I think every kid has at least one teacher that makes their mom seem a little less awesome.
I'm a control freak.
Handing my child over to strangers & trusting that they will look out for *my* child's best interests while also looking out for hundreds of other kids' best interests... Yeah, I realize how easily a child can fall through those cracks!
I'm trying though, I promise. What I won't promise is that I won't cry on the first day of school. Honestly, I'm gonna guess that whole first week is going to be a waterproof mascara kind of week. I also won't promise to drop my kid off & leave the teacher, principal, & staff alone. I will be so involved that it'll be more shocking when I'm not around than when I am. Finally, I won't promise to be understanding & patient when my child needs something "because there are 20 other students in the class"... Excuse this, but, screw those kids! They aren't my responsibility, their parents need to be advocating for them if they need something. MY child is my responsibility & I am fully prepared to fight for everything he needs to ensure his sucess.
...but I do promise I will spoil his teacher with time, energy, & even the occasional gift, because she does have 20 other kids besides mine & she she most certainly will deserve it.