Yesterday I was finally in a place that I was ready to discuss what has gone on in my meetings at the school. Then I got the report from the district psychologist & it has kinda put me in a bad place all over again. I'm going to try to stick with my original plan to go over the meeting, but I may veer off course. You've been warned. ;)
So, the first meeting I went to at the school was horrible. Not that anyone there was mean or not willing to help my child, it just struck deep for me because I am the mom. Even the things I already knew they'd say hurt because them saying it all made it more real. If that even makes sense (I'm sure if you've been in this position it totally does!). *Side note, I share this info for 2 reasons - 1, so that the people that know us & care about what's going on know without me saying it a million times; 2, so that those of you living this lief also know what happens in other parent conferences. Remember - you are not alone.*
Meeting #1 started as going over a bunch of things I already knew: His trip to (and many subsequent hours spent in) the asst principal's office. (He stuck a paperclip in an outlet. /sigh/) His behavior in the classroom & in specials (he was getting an oops slip pretty much every day). His difficulties with peers. Things I DIDN'T see coming were numerous. Among them, other parents expressing concern about him (both in regards to slowing the class' academic progress & in fear of harm to their kid - what?!), which they couldn't really discuss in details & that still bothers me. Why are they allowed to talk about him, but I'm not allowed to know what they say? :( They also blindsided me with a write-up from the school bus where he was pushing kids & told another student to do something to a kindergartner, which the student then did. (I have since pulled him from the bus, it was obviously too overwhelming for him to be on there. PS, carpool in a school of almost 1,000 kids SUCKS.) There were other things discussed that had me on the verge of tears, but I managed to keep it together until I left the school. We left this meeting with a second one set, which would happen after the psychologist observed him.
Meanwhile I had the "normal" parent-teacher conference, where his teacher had nothing new to report (yay!), and his academics were great. He's a really smart kid, he just has typical ADHD problems.
Meeting #2 was much better, as they really had nothing bad to report to me. The psychologist didn't have her report written up yet, but she went over her observations with me. She had called me after she finished the last one, so I kinda already knew what all she was thinking (or so I thought...), so nothing she shared was new. She expressed concern about his anxiety & explained that it went hand in hand with depression, and depression is very common in ADHD people, so we need to keep an eye on it. She had come up with wonderful accommodations for him (velcro under his desk to fidget with, a behavior chart to tally throughout the day, with rewards based on the number of good marks, the option to leave the classroom to regroup when his meds wear off... I don't even recall all of them anymore), but his teacher felt that he was doing really well by meeting #2 & didn't feel the need to implement most of the recommended accommodations.
Then yesterday I got the psychologist's full report. Wow. I had no idea just how much was going on with him in the classroom! Even with all I had been told, so much was left out! When she did her observations he was already on his new med (Focalin), so it was even worse before. HOW did they wait this long to clue me in?! A few excerpts I don't mind sharing...
During the 25 minutes of instruction & independent practice, he was out of his seat about 15 times - either going to the front to look at books, to talk to another child, or to go to the treasure chest (even though he had not earned it).
He asked a girl next to him several questions, each time about 6-7 times before she answered him (she appeared to be ignoring him).
He then asked her [teacher], "X, Y, Z" and continued talking about clothes and mom sewing clothes. [I don't sew, by the way. :p]
...students were allowed to lie down if they chose, and he crawled around on the floor picking up things from the floor. He appeared to be listening as he popped up & said "let me see" as she read certain things... he brought the things he had collected off the floor and brought it to where a boy was sitting... he was told to throw them away, then returned to collecting them.
He made noises, about 3 per minute at times (motor running, martial arts, robots) during warm-up & poem time.
I left so much out because I don't want to cross a line for him personally in the future. But, you can get an idea. If this is what she observed in just 2 one-hour visits, what is going on ALL DAY LONG? ...and what do I do with this information?
I really thought things were looking up until I got this report back, He had a solid week of good days & success (as far as I know anyway), and now he's had 2 "bad" behavior days in a row this week, so I fear him coming home & having to report yet another one to us. I'm starting to realize that morning are so awful & stressful because he is stressed about going to school. He's not quite as bad on the weekend, so it's not just that mornings are rough (though they all are, don't get me wrong), he's just anxious. What do I do with that?
What I'm considering is homeschool. Oh, heavens. I've always said I would if I had to, I just hoped I wouldn't have to. He is starting to not like school though, and I really don't want to see that! Private school would be great, except the part where it costs money. I won't rule it out completely, but somehow I just don't see it happening. Of course I don't really see homeschool happening, but I may just me temporarily blind to it. Every day that goes by does make the possibility seem more real. HOW though? HOW? If a school full of people trained to handle all kinds of kids can't help him, how will I??? I want what's best for him though, so I'm doing some serious research & I'm going to figure this all out. Maybe things will start to look up for him in public school. Maybe we'll wake up & find a money tree growing in our yard to cover private school (hey, one can hope!). Or, maybe I'll wake up one day & say enough is enough & figure out a way to make homeschool work.
1 comment:
It sounds like his meds are still being adjusted. We literally went thru a year and a half of medication trials before we got the magic combination. And, when we did, WOW! Was life different!!! I was told by many oarents that when we found the righr combination things would be so different and, boy were they right! The right medication combination will give him the space to slow down his thoughts, to organize them (a little), to stop the unexplainable anger, the mood swings, etc.
Depression and anxiety do go hand in hand with adhd a lot of times. My lil guy currently takes ritlan (morning, after lunch, and as soon as school is out. On weekends we give him one dose around mid morning only if he seems to be eXtra charged up). He also takes Prozac every morning. He was taking a mood stabilizer, Trileptal, as well. We weaned him off of that this summer and I am happy to report he is doing awesome! My guys depression doesn't manifest as sadness. It's anger and just being grumpy and in a bad mood all the time. The Prozac has taken about 75% of that away. As far as the adhd is concerned each drug works differently in each person. We've done focolin, concerta, vyvance, stratera, and rispadol. Ritalin was the magic one =)
As far as the teacher not wanting to implement the recommations, she doesn't get a choice. If it's a 504 meeting and those recommendations are added to his 504 record then she HAS to abide by it. My child gets to stand at his desk, can move around freely at the back of the room, and has a squeezy ball (stress ball) he can use when he's fidgeting. Thsee are just a few that are in his 504 file. I will get it out and tell you the rest tomorrow.
You are not alone. Seriously, when my son started taking ritalin, my husband and I agreed to not try anymore meds if that one didn't work. Thank God it worked. We know that as he gets older and puts on more weight we'll have adjust his meds again and we're not rrally looking forward to it.
You can do yhis!!! It WILL get better. I promise!
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