It's time to get real.

It's time for me to get real, and it's not gonna be pretty.

A year ago, I was this girl:

At about 142 #s, I was starting to love my body.  It was a fairly slim & strong body that got me through my first half marathon - while pregnant.  It was a body that went from overweight, tired, hypertensive, & blah to a healthy BMI, a perfect oxygen level, normal blood pressure, & energy to take on the world.  It took a lot of work to get there & I really wanted to get it even more in shape, but I was the happiest I had been with my own self image in a LONG time.  Of course I knew one of the many reasons I had worked so hard on it was so that I could carry a healthy pregnancy to term.  With that, I was very successful!  I will not allow myself to grieve the body I lost because I grew another human.  That is an amazing miracle & some imperfections come with it.

*BUT*

September 2012...  1 year & 1 beautiful (HEALTHY!) baby boy later, every day I look at this:

I can't blame this all on having a baby.  You see, after I had him, I was losing weight.  At my 6 week check up I was down to 162 (I think I was around 180 at his birth, my body likes to pack it on, sigh).  Today though, I'm up to 167.  ONE HUNDRED SIXTY SEVEN POUNDS.  There, I said it.  Twice.  In caps.  And bold!  That's 24#s more than I weighed a year ago & it's honestly because I got lazy & over indulged in junk in the last 3 months.  Yes, I've had A LOT going on with a newborn, a 5 year old with lots of needs, selling a house, moving to a new town, taking on a new job as a stay at home mom...  but, there was no excuse for all the fast food, ice cream, cake, pizza, and lack of exercise.  NO excuse.

So, here I am, overweight, out of shape, feeling fat & ugly, & having about 4 outfits to choose from.  Those things WERE making me continue the cycle, but no more!  I dusted off the juicer, reinstalled the calorie counter app on my phone, & bought a treadmill.  I am ready to be that girl I was a year ago again.

The eating thing I can handle.  Although I despise counting calories & I have to be careful how much I cut out because I am nursing, I happen to be a stubborn, disciplined chick.  I've got the food thing down, no problem.  Exercise is tricky though.  I have very little time to myself.  I have a baby that wants to be held all. the. time.  I'm exhausted & haven't had a full night of sleep in over 3 months.  ...I have lots of other excuses I could throw out there, but all they do is cause my body more damage & keep me from my goals.  I will find time when I can & I'm hoping that will be at least 4 days a week.  

Right now, running hurts. Emotionally, mentally, & especially physically.  I let myself get so very out of shape.  My lungs burn, my feet throb, & my knees get wobbly - and that's at just 1 lousy, slow mile.  The human body is an amazing machine though - fuel it well, work out the kinks, & it'll do amazing things for you.  It's gonna hurt, but every ounce of pain will make my success mean that much more!

So, now that I've put it all out there, it's time to get to work.  I can do this.  I WILL do this.