Still walking along...

For a while, I quit putting any effort in.  I felt alone, left out, and sad.  All of my running friends became too busy with each other & I'm not even sure if I was an after-thought anymore.  I think that if I had continued to have someone to run with me all this time, I'd still be running at this point.  So, here's a tip - find a friend, significant other, running group, maybe even a dog - just find someone that will commit to helping you get out there run while you're pregnant.  (Assuming you want to keep running while you're pregnant that is.)  Or, maybe just a treadmill would do it, I think that would've keep me going too.  I just didn't want to do it alone.  What if something happened & I was out there alone?  or, the days I was tired...  I had no-one pushing me to get out & try to run anyway.  It was just me.  Sometimes in life you really do need more than yourself.  (Trust me, that's hard for an independent chick like me to admit!)

I'm happy I ran as long as I did, it was better than quitting day 1, but...  I'm actually very disappointed in myself that I didn't keep running.  I truly intended to, & it wasn't that it really got that hard, physically (not that it was easy though), I just chose to have a big ol' pity party instead.  Which, as a pregnant woman, is completely normal I'm sure.  Heck, as any person it's normal.  When life changes for you & you suddenly feel all alone, that's hard!  Very hard.  Just getting up some days is a downer when you feel alone.  If you've never felt that, I hope you never do.  

I really can't express in words how difficult the past few months have been for me.  I actually did attempt once, but I quickly deleted the blog post because I wasn't looking for a pity party, I just wanted to get my feelings out.  Knowing that not only am I going through a (very healthy, yay!) pregnancy, which alienates me from friends who don't want (or need!!) to slow down their own lives, but also that I am about to move hours away from the people I know & love...  Well, who wouldn't feel alone & been more apt to take every little thing personally?  Add to that the tremendous amount of stress I've been under with all that's going on in my life, and, well, it's amazing I'm not sitting in a dark room crying all the time if you ask me.  ;)

All of that aside...  I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes at 27 weeks.  I kick myself MORE because I truly believe if I had kept running, my body would have been processing things more efficiently.  Why I didn't feel I could keep getting out there & get it done - even if I was alone, I don't know.  Hopefully, should we decide to have another child, I will just get my arse out there & do what the baby & I need to stay healthy!  (Also, hopefully, I will own a treadmill by then (if there is a then).  ;))  My blood sugar is under control with no help other than a modified diet.  I am sick of eating (6 times a day!!), and I feel like I am on protein overload, but between following the diet & getting back out there & walking as much as I can, any chance I get, I am keeping things under control!  Sweetie Pie Sparkles (lovingly named by his big brother!) is healthy & I think happy (or he hates me & is actually beating me up??) & I am healthy & actually finally happy & comfortable with where our little family is right now.  We might be stressed to the max, but there is so much to look forward to in the next few months, that I have to believe everything will work out just fine!  (Plus, this is my very last week as a working mom, which alone is reason to be happy!!)

I updated my mileage for the year so far.  It's nothing to most people who read this, but I'm just shy of 49 miles so far & I'll take that & be happy.  It's better than 0, right?  Besides, this 8 month pregnant lady can still walk a 5K & there's plenty of non-pregnant folks that can't.  I guess that's the solace I get to take.