tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-60744854547173933922024-03-13T11:49:36.591-07:00The Family FuelRunning a family and, sometimes, just running.Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00419198723978831879noreply@blogger.comBlogger73125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6074485454717393392.post-86319883733888810502017-01-31T10:23:00.001-08:002017-01-31T10:30:48.882-08:00Needs of a Special Need ParentHow can you help that special need parent you know? That mom who is struggling with her own emotional baggage? That dad who is stressed to the max?<br />
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Maybe you are friends with parents of a special need kid. Maybe they're your neighbor. Maybe even your own relative is raising a child with some type of special need, be it physical or "invisible" (is any special need truly invisible? I think that description is such a stretch!). Whatever your relationship is to a parent who is raising an exceptional child, you landed here because you are wondering how you can help. So, here are some very really & very helpful ways to help ease the stress of parenting a differently-abled kid. Pick your favorite, or rotate through them all, just let that parent know YOU SEE THEM, and they matter.</div>
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<b>Respite</b> - seems the most obvious of needs, right? Yet it's usually the least offered. Or, shall I say it's offered, but with very little follow-through. How wonderful it would be if more people would recognize this very real need & follow through on their offer to help. </div>
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<ul>
<li>Pick the kid(s) up for a quick trip to the neighborhood park while mom and/or dad rests/reads/cleans/showers/drinks actual HOT coffee.</li>
<li>Come over & entertain the kid(s) -even for just 30 minutes!- while mom sneaks away for a peaceful walk or runs over to nearby coffee shop for a moment of normalcy.</li>
<li>Invite the kid(s) to your house to play with your kid(s) (or yourself) for a few hours so dad can clean the garage, so mom can go grocery shopping, so mom & dad can nap.</li>
<li>Offer babysitting any night of the week (or even during the day on weekends if witching hours scare you, or the kid(s) are more difficult at night). Send mom & dad off to enjoy each other's company uninterrupted. (Have you seen the divorce statistics for parents of special needs kids? Crazy high. Why? Not only is there constant stress in the house, but also, there is rarely time to devote to the marital relationship!)</li>
<li>Tell mom to schedule that doctor/dentist/hair/nail/etc appointment & you'll be there to watch the kids. Don't ask, TELL. We don't make self care a priority. Personally, I cancelled my last dentist appointment because my child didn't sleep the night before & refused to go to a friend's house while I had my teeth cleaned. I haven't had a well woman exam in, oh... 5+ years! We do not put ourselves first, we need someone to MAKE us do that.</li>
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<b>Acknowledgment</b> - we need to know someone sees us. What we are doing is even more thankless than moms of neurotypical children. We take constant abuse (some verbal, some physical, some both!), we spend every ounce of our energy being sure other's needs are met. We try to use our learned lessons to help others. and yet, we fell invisible & left out.</div>
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<ul>
<li>A card in the mail with a silly joke to make us smile.</li>
<li>A handwritten letter, that spells out ways we matter to you & others.</li>
<li>An email or text just to say you're thinking about us.</li>
<li>A phone call, though we'll likely not answer... so a voicemail, just saying hi.</li>
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<b>Gifts</b> - gifts don't have to be extravagant or overthought (though those are also welcomed), just something that shows us you see us & that we are valued.</div>
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<ul>
<li>A special treat - coffee, soda, tea (caffeine is almost always a welcomed gift!), chocolate, our favorite junk food, an extra cupcake you have... whatever might bring a smile without costing you mush money or effort, left on our doorstep to surprise us. (Might want to text if that door doesn't get used much, ha!)</li>
<li>That special little something you saw that made you think of us.</li>
<li>Flowers/plants, because even if we aren't big into those things, the life they bring with them sometimes is just the right pick-me-up.</li>
<li>A book - be it a trashy magazine, a best seller, a self help book (be sure you know we want it or you can create a whole new problem!), a coloring book... anything we can attempt to escape with while we sit by our UNsleeping child in the wee hours.</li>
<li>Bubble bath/soap/lotion - something to encourage us to slow down & care for ourselves a bit.</li>
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<b>Help</b> - we need more help than we will ever admit to you. Even if you are our very best friend.</div>
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<ul>
<li>Come over & do the dishes while we chat. We'll tell you not to, but really, we're not going to stop you if you insist.</li>
<li>Drive all of us to the park & help wrangle the kids.</li>
<li>Advice, a new perspective, or support in whatever latest & greatest effort we're attempting to use to improve our child(ren)'s situation.</li>
</ul>
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<b>Friendship</b> - it's so easy to lose friends when you're a special needs parent. We don't always have enough time to devote to friendship, we bring a lot of baggage, we have horrible memories because our brains are full of information for our kid(s)... We really need loyal friends though!</div>
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<ul>
<li>Talk to us - tell us your problems! Don't think we don't care or that your problems aren't as bad as ours, so they aren't important. Tell us about silly things going on in your life. Talk to us about real life.</li>
<li>Listen to us - sometimes we don't need a fix, we just need an ear. But you've got to really hear us. Our spouses can be so overwhelmed that we don't want to burden them with some details, or they are so tired they don't hear things we share. We need to share.</li>
<li>Laugh with us - our lives are difficult, but they are also fun filled! Our children are our lives, but they aren't all that we have going on!</li>
<li>Get us out of the house - or sit with us in the house. Just encourage us to have a few hours of ME time, to be selfish & enjoy the company of other adults.</li>
<li>Understand us & be patient with us - we often forget to return calls or texts, so call or text again (and don't take it personally). We say things we don't mean at times because we're just so overwhelmed - don't take it to heart, but tell us if we hurt you so we can fix it. </li>
<li>Accept & love us - if our lives are too much for you, don't waste our time (we make great acquaintances, way less drama with that sort of relationship). If you're willing to take on our friendship, accept that it might not be the easiest, but it will be worthwhile.</li>
<li>LOVE OUR KIDS - if you can't accept our kids AS THEY ARE, and love them AS THEY ARE, let's not be friends. Our kids come first & we just can't be friends if you can't deal with the fact that our children are a bit different.</li>
</ul>
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The biggest thing we need is people who care. We have this crazy ability to weed out gawkers & drama-seekers pretty quickly. We don't have time for that stuff. We need love & acceptance, just like you - just probably on a bigger scale than you. We are human, and we have good & bad days, just like you - just probably on a bigger scale than you. </div>
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We were thrown into this crazy life, we didn't chose it anymore than you chose anything that's been thrust into your life, and we sure didn't have time to read any how-to books to prepare for this! We are tired, stressed, scatterbrained, & a bit crazy, but we are also amazing people who led totally different lives before becoming parents to special needs kids. </div>
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None of our kids are alike, even if they have the same diagnosis: most of us have kids with sleep issues, kids who don't "behave normally" in public settings, and kids who challenge us every. single. day. Some of us have to wrangle our children's physical needs, some of us have to wrangle our children's neurological needs, and all of us have to wrangle our own emotional needs because of our parenting status. If you'll take the time to get to know us - and our kids - much better, you'll be blessed by the amazing things you discover. </div>
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Our kids are people first. Our kids are KIDS first. The fact that you're reading all this proves that you already know this & that you probably already love us. You may also already know we - the parents (especially moms!) - are pretty slow to admit when we need help. But need it we do! So, maybe don't ASK how/when/where you can help, just show up and do it. Don't take no for an answer. It's really hard to allow others to step in & help, REALLY hard, but if you love us, please do it.</div>
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Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00419198723978831879noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6074485454717393392.post-61214638165678695172016-03-13T16:26:00.001-07:002016-03-13T16:26:16.576-07:00I'm ready to go home!We've lived in this new city for almost 4 years now. We've met incredible people, made wonderful friends, seen new things, experienced life in an even bigger city than the big city we grew up in... But. /sigh/ But. <br />I'm not sure that many, if any, days have gone by that I didn't long for being back where I "belong". It's not that I've been made to feel I don't belong here, and it's not that we haven't made a wonderful life for ourselves here, but if I am being totally, completely, utterly honest - this is not where my heart lives. My heart is with my family, and with my friends that are like family, and with the city I knew & loved for 32 years. I am done. I want to go home.<br />I miss having dates with my husband (because, let's be honest, after paying a sitter, who actually has money for a date?!), I miss the comfort of visiting family whenever the mood stuck (or someone had a birthday, or an anniversary, or a bad day, or even because my dad flipped another car (yeah, that's right! love you daddy)). I miss knowing the way to get everywhere (even the secret backroads) without using a GPS. I miss sitting on my best friend's couch and doing nothing - because there was no lingering feeling of having missed so many events, or of the upcoming separation when I went home.<br />
Family is so different when you're not close by. Yes, we visit them & they visit us, but it's such a different feeling. The relationships have changed, the dynamics are skewed. Again, there's a lingering feeling of what we've missed & the fact that the visit will come to an end & then there may be months between our visits. I feel badly asking the kids' grandparents to watch my kids so I can catch up with friends because then I'm not spending time catching up with my parents (or my in laws). Even the longest visit has time constraints & logistical difficulties. Extended family members and friends who aren't the super-closest of close get left out of so many visits. <br />Really, what I'm saying here is that IT SUCKS.<br />
I want my kids to know their extended family better. *I* want to know my extended family better - short visits a few times a year don't leave much time for deep conversations, it's all so superficial! I want my kids to grow up with the kids of my lifelong friends. I want to see my lifelong friends' kids grow up (and not on Facebook or Instagram). I want to make sure my kids see how very important family relationships are - so they don't move super far away with my future grandchildren! (haha)<br />If it were as easy as packing our things up & crossing our fingers, I think I'd beg & plead until I convinced the hubby that moving back home is the best thing for us. But it's not that easy. (Especially in this economy.) Don't get me wrong, IF (I feel like that's probably a pretty big IF!) we ever move back I will miss the friendships we have formed here. I'll miss so very many things about the life we've created here (and, hello, we live in THE BEST neighborhood ever. For real.), but I'll have my mommy. And my mommy-in-law (who really is great, I don't believe all that evil mother in law stuff!). Anyone who has a half-way decent mom has to know that having your mommy close by kinda trumps all other things. Am I right??<br />Why am I pouring all this out now? I have no idea. Just felt the need to be totally honest. (Plus, maybe if I'm lucky someone will read this & offer the hubby (or myself) some amazing job opportunity to take us back...) Maybe I'm having an especially homesick moment right now. Maybe I'm completely overwhelmed with my life & wish my village-that-was-a-village-before-I-knew-I-needed-a-village was closer to ease some of the burden. Maybe I just realize life is really short & I'm missing a lot of the days of the lives of the people that matter most to me. Or, you know, sometimes I just like to overshare. I have a sneaky suspicion I'm not alone in the feelings I have though. Not sure that knowing other people feel the same really helps in any way, but it does at least remind you others suffer too. hahaha.<br />
So, in summary.<br />
I WANT TO GO HOME!!!!!!!!Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00419198723978831879noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6074485454717393392.post-48553753287875403462015-12-29T06:36:00.002-08:002015-12-29T15:28:57.673-08:00Our First Homeschool-iversary.It has almost been a full year since we started this journey. This year went insanely fast... while also crazy slow. How do I feel about homeschool as we enter year two? Well, basically they same as I did when we entered year one. Excitement, apprehension, joy, fear, less stressed, more stressed, but I will add a new one this year - EXHAUSTED. This 24/7/365 parenting/teaching/chauffeuring/guiding/disciplining/cleaning-up-after thing is really hard! I mean, with a 3 year old in the house I suppose I'd be doing all that 24/7 anyway, but with an 8 year old around too, yikes.<br />
Some days I think I should've just kept on fighting the school. Maybe it would've been less exhausting. Perhaps I'd be slightly less stressed. Possibly I'd even have a bit more peace & quiet in my house on the daily. Except... no I wouldn't. I'd be exhausted from fighting administration & teachers who didn't really want to "deal with" my child. I'd be more stressed knowing my child would be walking into an environment that wouldn't alter things to reach him where he needed to be reached. I'd have more peace & quiet for several hours a day - but that after school kid that I got every day was SO. MUCH. MORE. than the kid I get all day every day. (Parents with kids in school, I think you understand that! These poor kids save all that energy & angst up all day & let it out on you the second they get home - am I right?) I guess what I'm saying is, that when I sit here some days, having a pity party for how difficult I've made things for myself, I need to remember how wonderful I've made them for my child, and ultimately our family.<br />
We still follow more of an unschooling theory. We do some math (Life of Fred is awesome!!), and we've been working on grammar (First Language Lessons, while a bit boring, are fairly easy & seem to sink in well. I do suppose "forcing" this subject is against unschooling principles, but I want KMan to sound as intelligent as he truly is.), with lots of reading & the occasional other misc "work" (Mad Libs are KMan's personal favorite). We did a session of GameEd Minecraft School (he chose a science class), but KMan didn't get into it quite as much as I thought he would. I'm thinking of adding some art over the next few months because both boys enjoy it so. Other than those things (which take up about 45 min of a day). We go to Bible study weekly, MOPs every other week (both of those have a class for homeschoolers!!), we do recess almost every day (this is FANTASTIC for the kiddos!), and a weekly American Ninja Warrior class. The rest of our time we spend discovering outside, building Legos, playing board games, and <strike>fighting</strike> learning how to work out differences. We also do chores, which is of course the kiddo's favorite thing. ha.<br />
The days, they slip by so quickly! On the harder days, I try to remember how fast this journey has already gone & that it's not that long until my children will live in their own houses & do their own things. I will long for these days again, because I feel quite certain that the hardest moments will be erased from my memory over time. I will most certainly cherish the fact that I was able to spend every. single. day with my children & know them on a deeper level than most parents get the chance to do. --That doesn't mean that some days [right now] I wish I didn't know them quite so well... <br />
We are not promised tomorrow, so I do try not to stress over how things will go next year or the year after. Being a planner though, I do wonder what our life will look like as the years go by & if there will come a day that KMan wants to try public school again (though doubtful) and how I will feel about that idea. The kid is just so very smart (I don't mean that as a mom brag, just a fact), and has so much potential for the future... I do hope that I am doing right by him & that I am nurturing his intelligence in an appropriate way, not dwindling it by leaving it up to him to choose his studies. I think all parents - working/stay at home, homeschool/private school/public school, single/married, old/young, etc, etc wonder if we are doing best by our kids. I think we all also believe we "could never" do something another parent is doing. I once said I "could never" homeschool my kids. Well, here we are. I think I'm doing an okay job most days. I still have plenty of hair left to pull out, the kids are still alive, and the hubby hasn't run away. I wish I could find a way to feel more joy in the ups & downs of the day, but I am working on that. Meanwhile, we're going to venture on to HOMESCHOOL YEAR 2 - grade 3. (That's right, just 9 more years to go... with the oldest anyway.)Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00419198723978831879noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6074485454717393392.post-45161818005322510722015-11-07T06:10:00.001-08:002015-11-07T06:10:30.718-08:00Friendship I'm a horrible friend these days. No, really, I am.<br />
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I take more than I give;<br />
I talk more than I listen;<br />
I seek support more than I offer support;<br />
I cry more than I smile;<br />
I forget more than I remember;<br />
I beg forgiveness more than I lend it;<br />
I request more hugs than I provide.<br />
I expect acknowledgement more than I offer it.<br />
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I'm sure I could make that list longer. I'm sure I've offended each of you in some way lately. I'm sure I didn't even notice when I offended or neglected some of you recently. I'm sorry. So very sorry.<br />
I could list a million reasons - likely legit ones - about why I have or haven't done the things a good friend should. BUT, that's what the problem is. No matter what I have going on in my life, I want to be the kind of friend that you deserve. I want to be the kind of friend that smiles in the worst of times & offers a shoulder despite the need for one myself. So this, my dear friends, is my public apology. If you're reading this & wondering if I am referring to you, then the answer is yes. You are so precious to me & every part of your life's story is important to me. I love you.<br />
Today I will start working harder. I'll give more, listen better, offer greater support, smile when I see your lovely face, remember the things that matter to you, forgive your faults, hug you closer, & acknowledge every precious thing about you.Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00419198723978831879noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6074485454717393392.post-92026565405567746342015-09-28T17:15:00.000-07:002015-09-28T17:16:41.734-07:00We're all in this together.You guys, I did not ever intend to be a homeschool mom anymore than I intended to be an alphabet soup mom (currently: ADHD, ODD, SPD, & I'm pretty sure dysgraphia that I don't believe has any kind of acronym). I did ((ALWAYS)) intend to be a mom though. Part of being a mom (parent), in my opinion, is doing what is best for your kids any time you have a way to make the best happen. I think I've said this before, but I'll say it again:<br />
I am NOT supermom.<br />
I am NOT any more qualified than you.<br />
I am NOT patient.<br />
I am not even sure what I'm doing most days, quite honestly! I'm just winging it here folks! There are positives and negatives of being a homeschool mom - and of being an alphabet soup mom. I don't think public/private/charter/magnet/boarding/or any other kind of schooling is wrong, it's just not right for my kiddo (at the moment at least), or my family. My sister is one of the most intelligent people I know, she went to a small town public school. The hubby is another one of the most intelligent people I know, and he went to a large public school. I don't think I fared too poorly in the intelligence department myself, and I went to a small private school. We each do what works for us & our families. It's really that simple.<br />
There are as many types of homeschooling families & reasons behind their choices as there are ways to homeschool! We are all doing the best we can with what we have! Some days I'm the on-top-of-it-all homeschool mom, and we do a thorough set of studies (that I planned out in advance even!), followed by outdoor time, chores, non-electronic playtime, etc. Some days I don't want to do any.thing., so I assign "independent study" & try to allow myself a breather without guilt. (Oh, you better believe that there is ALWAYS guilt!) I think it all evens out though, because I truly believe that all of life's experiences are learning experiences. And, plus also, I've got 365 days x 10 more years to fill KMan's brain with any knowledge he needs my help filling it with. It's all good!<br />
Last week we went camping. There was no worry about pulling KMan out of school, our school room (that'd be the earth/life/experience here folks) travels with us. We're also going to have a Fair Day, just like I did growing up in DFW. I realize it's not a thing around us, but we're making it one - road trip! Again, no worries over pulling him out of school, or putting him in an anxiety-inducing state of the weekend crowds. We're also planning another camping trip soon because there's just such a small window of good camping weather here in Texas. Who cares how long we go, we can learn on the road, and we can school all summer long *gasp*. <br />
Of course, I can't schedule dr appts for when I don't have kids with me (ha, I can't even pee alone most days!). I have the weight of teaching my kiddos "everything they need to know in life" placed squarely on my shoulders, and I sometimes feel left out of the things that are going on at the neighborhood school. - I was SO going to be the super mom my own mother was & be involved in all. the. things. at the school. Guess I just stepped that game up a bit, huh? I'm so totally involved in all. the. things. - janitor, teacher, counselor, principal, electives, administrator...<br />
We have to sacrifice too. We don't eat out often. We rarely get to have a babysitter (I think our last night out was in May). My clothes all come from the discount rack of the cheapest stores. We eat a lot of generic grocery items. I gave up my Y membership. Etc, etc, etc. We chose these sacrifices, sure, but once I took on homeschooling I lost the ability to change my mind & go get a job. (Honestly, now that I homeschool I have no idea how I'd find the time for a job!)<br />
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Please don't judge me for my choice to be a lead parent (trying that out instead of stay at home mom - because I sure don't stay home much!). Don't judge me for my alphabet soup kiddo's behavaiors (and you better not even dream of judging him for them!). Don't judge me for my decision to homeschool. I don't need side eyes. I don't need snide remarks. I don't need whispers behind my back. I need support, adult conversation, friendship, and respect. I'll do the same for you, whatever choices you make.<br />
On the same note - don't think you couldn't do this. Don't think it'd be too hard (I'm not saying it isn't hard - but traditional schooling has its challenges too!). If you have ever had even the briefest notion of homeschooling, stop & think it through. Though it has many challenges, it also has so many perks! (Also, if you do homeschool & have had any thoughts about enrolling your kids in public school, give it a good hard look. It doesn't make you a failure, it makes you amazing for doing what is best for your kids & your family.)<br />
Our kids are only with us for a short time. They deserve our love & true devotion, our wise direction in what is best for them, They have an opinion on things, and they should get to voice it, but we have the final say & we know what the world is really going to bring them. Do what is best for you & your family & don't take anyone else's opinions as anything more than their opinions. They are not living your life & do not know your child or family as deeply as you do. No matter what, always know that if you are doubting ANY parenting decision(s) it's because you are an amazing parent. Hang in there. We've only got (approx) 936 weeks with them from birth until adulthood. ((If they're already in school, you're down to at least 676 weeks already!))<br />
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Thanks for letting me get that out. I've heard a lot of comments - positive & negative - about homeschooling & about being a lead parent lately. Come on guys, we're ALL doing the best we can with what we have. Even those truly awful, CPS-worthy parents are probably doing the best with what they can, they just need more of A LOT of things (love, guidance, support, grace, etc, etc, etc, etc). Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00419198723978831879noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6074485454717393392.post-22591214957389129502015-08-25T09:12:00.002-07:002015-08-25T09:12:44.538-07:00Back to School!Ah, it's back to school time. This time of year brings me joy for a reason unlike most parents'... Most parents are happily sending their little ones off to spend the day at school. No more worrying about childcare, or how to entertain kids all day, or day-long-gigantic kid messes to clean... It's kind of like a hard-earned vacation for most parents.<br />
For me though, it means I can go to the zoo, the park, the store, the library, the museum, etc, etc, etc, without forcing my way through a crowd of hundreds & stressing over losing sight of my own kids. It also means back to routine (since we took the summer off, unlike I originally planned). Knowing what will happen each day, knowing what expectations I have for my kids & they for me, knowing that we'll get to have fun & play once school work is done. <br />I've struggled at times with accepting my calling to homeschool. Some days are hard & I just. don't. wanna. Other days are wonderful love-filled, fun-having, glorious reminders of why I chose to make sacrifices so that my kids could be with me all day. While I wish I had days of peace & quiet, and the ability to bring in some extra income so we could eat out more/vacation/buy all the things... I also appreciate how quickly childhood passes & how special it is that I'm able to play such an active role in my kids' lives every day. <br />Kman's anxiety is pretty much nil most days, and he's so very happy homeschooling. Sweetiepie Sparkles has had the chance to build a closer bond with his brother. With a 5 year gap, their relationship wouldn't have been able to reach its full potential if they didn't spend all their days together. (Do not get me wrong, they fight - A LOT - and make me crazy, but it's worth it!)<br />
Next week we'll start back to actual, planned-out schooling (as homeschoolers know, education is a 24/7/365 thing in our families) & KMan is actually pretty ready for it. Sweetiepie Sparkles will be doing some school stuff too this year & he is VERY excited about it.<br />
We already miss our mainstream-schooled friends, some went back before this week (why do private schools start so early?!), and others started back yesterday. We will miss the lazy days of summer. (As we trade them in for lazy days of fall, haha!) We will miss getting to spend time at the pool & splashpads. We'll miss all the fun things that summer brings. BUUUUUT, we will not miss the crowds, the heat (well, eventually it'll go away), and the chaos summer can bring. <br />
So, here's to back to school, in whatever form school takes for your family. Let's all have a fabulous year!Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00419198723978831879noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6074485454717393392.post-13738312214746693822015-07-20T08:29:00.001-07:002015-07-22T05:00:18.397-07:00KetchupKetchup, ketchup, ketchup... (now I want some fries!!!)<br />
Where to start? How about with KMan - he's 8 y'all. EIGHT. I have no idea how that happened, but it did. He loves Minecraft and, well, Minecraft. haha! His favorite part of Minecraft seems to be coding, so I think that might be a segue into learning more about computer programming & such this year. He's very into American Ninja Warrior stuff (and he's actually pretty good, being part monkey & all). He goes to a gym once a week to work on his monkey skills & he just gets better & better every week! I can't wait to see how good he is at that stuff in a few more years! He still enjoys Legos & Bionicles, but not as much as he used to, even just a year ago. He has really found a desire to be with daddy & be like daddy lately. He gets so very happy when he gets to do special things with him. One of their favorite things to do together is fossil hunting. KMan actually has a good eye for finding cool rocks & fossils, so it stays pretty exciting for him. On his birthday we took him to Six Flags, where he rode his first roller coaster (plus a few more). We spent the day with just him (left little brother with his grandparents & Auntie), and he loved having all the attention. It was a HOT, exhausting day, but we all really enjoyed it. He has a birthday party this weekend & he's really looking forward to his last birthday celebration of the year. Seriously though, he's 8!!<br />
Sweetiepie Sparkles is 3. Also pretty crazy to believe! He has been showing his independent side & a bit of his rebellious attitude lately, but he's still a pretty sweet kid most of the time. He loves action figures, Legos, Bionicles, playing the Wii, PlayDoh, coloring, playing in water, and cuddling with mom & dad. He's still quite attached to mommy, but he's starting to latch on to daddy at times too. He is pretty funny & while he's not as fearless as his brother, he's still pretty adventurous.<br />
Both boys (and our neighbor friends) went to VBS this year. I volunteered with the Smilemakers so that KMan would have me with him this year (last year was a nightmare), and he did pretty well. He even asked to pray for his class one day, which is such a huge deal! Hopefully next year he'll be able to be in a class without me... (thought I thoroughly enjoyed volunteering & will do so again!) I think we've had a pretty fun summer so far. We've been to the beach, we've gone swimming & played at splash pads, played late into the night with neighborhood friends, and taken a couple of trips up to Dallas to see friends & family. We are starting school back up on 8/31, so we still have lots of summer fun ahead of us!<br />
As for hubby & I... well, I feel like I haven't had lots of time to just sit & relax, but I'm not complaining. We stay so very busy & there is always a pile of laundry & a sink of dishes waiting for me. Always. Hubby is just super busy with work & he finally gets to take over the full territory on 8/1, so I imagine he'll be even busier! We sat down this past weekend & wrote up a budget & we're now using the envelope system for our normal expenses. It's going to be a big adjustment (especially grocery shopping!), but we want to chip away at our mortgage so we can be debt free. How great that feeling will be! So many things to look forward to with no debt, my favorite being all the traveling we'll be able to do! We made it through <a href="http://theyearwithout.blogspot.com/">The Year Without</a> (follow the link if you didn't know us then, we were CRAZY), so we can certainly do this! As Dave Ramsey says, "Live like no one else today, so you can live like no one else tomorrow". I can't wait to live like no one else tomorrow! I also spent a lot of time planning our first month of school, and I'm excited to get started. KMan will be doing 2nd grade work until we take our winter break, then (if all goes well) he will be promoted to 3rd grade. Really, grade levels are kinda sill in homeschool, but if he should ever want to go back to (or if we ever have to put him back in) public school, he will be with the "correct" age group.<br />
Everything else in our lives is good. We're settled into the house (it's been a year now!), and loving our neighborhood. We've mostly got a new normal down, with the homeschool thing, and all being in the same house 24/7/365. Life is certainly hard at times, but for the most part, we're all good.Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00419198723978831879noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6074485454717393392.post-86322229076916788212015-03-19T20:30:00.001-07:002015-03-19T20:30:42.468-07:00The Truth About Homeschooling Is...Most people I run into lately have the very same first question for me... "how's the homeschool thing going?" I generally respond with a mumble of something about it being mostly good, but me being exhausted. That's true most days, of course there are also bad days (and I'm *really* exhausted on those days!), and super great days (where we all end up exhausted! Okay, maybe not KMan, but, you know...). The other night though, I sat & really thought about the question, and what the deep-down truth is.<br />
<br />
You want to hear it?<br />
<br />
Homeschool is going <i><b>fantastically</b></i>! Sure, it's frustrating to juggle a 7 year old with zero ability to focus & a 2 year old who wants to trash the room & be as loud as possible, all while trying to read some silly poem about caterpillars, *BUT*!!, it's also amazing. KMan is thriving. His anxiety is almost non-existent most days and his stress level is so much lower!! He's still learning plenty, but he's learning it <u>in his way</u> & it's things he wants to know, not just things he "has" to know.<br />
<br />I spend my days watching my children learn about the world around them.<br />
I spend my days getting to really know who my children are.<br />
I spend my days amazed that these children grew inside me not that long ago.<br />
<br />
KMan & Sweetie Pie Sparkles are building a relationship with each other that they wouldn't have been able to build without homeschooling. <br />KMan & Sweetie Pie Sparkles are making memories with me (and for me, because one day they actually will be grown & leave me - or so I hear) that they wouldn't have had the opportunity to make if not for homeschooling.<br />
<br />
I am learning new things & meeting new people.<br />
I am looking forward to future trips to places I've always wanted to see - and now I'll get to experience them with my children!<br />
<br />
I could list the hard things about homeschooling. I could tell you all the reasons my life would be "easier" if I could ship my kiddos off to school for the day & just have some me time. I could tell you the enormous sacrifices we're making to have KMan at home instead of school... that wouldn't do justice to the awesomeness of homeschooling though. It's hard, and it's certainly not for every one (not for every parent, not for every child - we all need different things in life!), but it's certainly worth it!<br />
I will encourage those of you who have said "I wish I could, but..." or "I want to but I'm scared because..." or whatever other line you've said to me, to really stop & consider taking the leap. I was scared. SO scared. I'm actually still scared some days, when I ponder if this is what KMan will do "forever" & if we'll also do it "forever" with Sweetie Pie Sparkles... but fear shouldn't hold you back from trying out all the options you have in life. Take the plunge! If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. If it does though... <b>It does!</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
On that same note, those of you who say "I could NEVER!", that's fine too. I mean, you actually <i>could</i> if you had to, trust me!, but it's fine if you don't. Whether you don't want to, or your child is in the best place for them, or you don't have the financial or emotional support to do it, or whatever the reason is, don't feel like what you are doing for your child isn't best. It is. Whatever works for YOUR CHILD and YOUR FAMILY is what's best. Just because the best thing for MY CHILD is to not be in a typical school setting doesn't mean that it's not the best place for plenty of other kids. Don't ever think I feel differently! I think there are some serious problems in our schools today & I absolutely hate that teachers have so little control over what to teach now, and that classes are so large that it's hard to teach each child in the way that's best for them, but the school system works for a lot of kids. It's just that the kids (or families) that is doesn't work for, it <i>really</i> doesn't work for. I really think it's no different than deciding to breastfeed or formula feed; to work outside the home or be a stay at home mom/dad; to only feed your family organic foods or to feed them the cheapest, yummiest food you can afford... it's all about personal preference & environmental factors that we sometimes can't control as mush as we'd like to. We are all doing the best we can with what we have. I wish more people would be open to the idea of homeschooling, but I don't wish that because it's the best option for all, only because it's such a FREEING option.<br />
<br />
So, there. <i>That's</i> how homeschool is going.<br />
<br />
I may feel differently tomorrow (for real), but there's my answer today. KMan is doing wonderfully & that means homeschool is a success!<br />
<br />
On a related note, KMan has switched meds ((again!!)), but the latest combo seems to be pretty amazing so far! I'm beyond thrilled for him (and us), and I'm hopeful about so much now. He is also doing play therapy which seems like it will be super beneficial in the long run, and I think his therapist is great, so I'm hoping he forms a really great bond with her. He's also making new friends, playing (too much) on his tablet, spending lots of time outdoors, learning even when he doesn't realize it, and just growing up so much! There's this amazing guy hiding behind the cover his ADHD/ODD has created & he's starting to come out, ever so slowly. I can't wait to see what the months ahead bring out in him. I can't wait to watch him grow into the guy I knew he was supposed to be.Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00419198723978831879noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6074485454717393392.post-45591545979344393962015-02-07T09:54:00.001-08:002015-02-07T09:54:19.183-08:00Just Checking InIt's kinda hard to believe that we're about to embark on week 6 of our homeschool journey! The time is going so fast! We're still pretty much following the same ideas as I started with & I'm pretty shocked at discovering that I lean more towards the unschooling method than a rigorous planned out homeschool day. I am SUCH a planner & over-thinker, that it amazes me how laid back I am in this whole schooling adventure! (By the way, some of you may have no idea what unschooling is, or assume it's more (or less, as it wrongly implies) than it really is. There are several ways to define unschooling & there are some rather extreme versions of it that really lead into a child-led life, which isn't at all how I follow the idea. Here is a quick read that's closer to my school of thought on unschooling - http://www.johnholtgws.com/frequently-asked-questions-abo/. I'm really just letting Kman lead his education right now & trying not to worry about what he is or isn't learning that he "should" or "shouldn't" be at this point. Plus, we play. A lot.<br />
Anyway, aside from the educational aspect (though our entire lives are somehow educational!), I've been watching changes in the relationship between Sweetiepie Sparkles & Kman. It's kinda cool to see them actually interacting more & building their bond. At this exact moment, they are out building a sand castle (or something like that) in the back yard - together! Kman is also taking more of a role in teaching SPS things & just really playing up the big brother title. 5 years between them makes it harder to find common interests, but I'm seeing them try & I truly believe it's because of the amount of time they are together now. It's amazing.<br />
As for me, I'm enjoying the time with both of them. Mostly. hehe It's overwhelming some days & beautiful others. Chasing them in two different directions is challenging, but the moments that bring us together are so much fun! I'm also learning new things that I wouldn't have explored if I didn't have a 7.5 year old to show the world to every day!<br />
The hubby is adjusting as well, I think. He is very busy with work (which is a blessing, considering the current impact the fall of oil is causing in our city), but I've noticed him putting a little more effort into teaching things to Kman, even if he doesn't realize he's doing it. <br />
Going 24/7 with a VERY TWO toddler & an extra energetic/highly distracted ADHDer is hard work, but I still feel like we have made the best choice for our family for now. Kman's anxiety is not nearly what it was, and his passion for learning is starting to grow. My stress level is also lowering because there aren't timelines & deadlines to keep up with any more, and we don't have to rush to this & that, wake up at certain times, or follow rules of other people. This isn't for everyone, but who doesn't long for all that FREEDOM? :)<br />
Side note... Kman is very into being a survivalist (and still a prospector, of course) so if anyone has suggestions on how to encourage that or promote it as a learning experience, I'm all ears!Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00419198723978831879noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6074485454717393392.post-1441749496820293312015-01-16T20:08:00.004-08:002015-01-16T20:08:57.124-08:002 Weeks In & Homeschool WinsOver the past 2 weeks I've discovered something I had lost in the hustle & bustle of living life based on overloaded, anxiety-inducing schedules & routines... <b><i>My kid is pretty awesome.</i></b> :)<br />
Homeschooling is NOT for everyone. I'm not going to ever sugar-coat anything here, so I certainly won't tell you our days are 24 hours of bliss & giggles as my kids sit quietly & listen to me teach them all they'll ever need to know. Not. Even. Close.<br />
-however-<br />
We are sleeping a little later (though we're currently not sleeping much at night, but that's another story), we're lounging in our pajamas a little longer, and we're moving at whatever pace works for us each day. Some days start out really rough. Okay, okay, MOST days do - homeschooling didn't erase KMan's ADHD (big emphasis on the *H* there). There's chaos & loudness - oh, so much loudness! BUT we're in our pjs with Peppa Pig playing (loudly) in the background & no stress over getting ready for school, as I attempt to drink my coffee before it gets cold (which is happening more & more these days!). By the time we're ready to start our school day, we're in a better place. We start our day with our Bible lesson & then move right into math. KMan LOVES Life of Fred, and even asks Sweetie Pie Sparkles to join him on the couch while we cuddle & read. <---That, my friends, is one of the HUGE blessings of homeschool! Then we do some random fun things to secretly sneak knowledge into KMan's head, and then we either get outside for a while or we do some type of art/music "lesson". It's fun. I mean, it's hard some moments because Sweetie Pie Sparkles is SUPER two-ish these days, but it's fun. After our "break", we do handwriting & reading (which is usually me reading while the boys play PlayDoh) & then we are done with school. Gosh, it's just so much work teaching this kid. When Sweetie Pie Sparkles cooperates & takes a nap, KMan & I have been able to play Battleship (he's moved on from Monopoly!), goof off on the computer, chat (he LOVES to chat. and chat. and chat...), and just enjoy some time together. It's kinda awesome, even if I did have to give up my own afternoon naps.<br />
I've planned a weekly field trip day & so far we've been to the Botanic Gardern/Arboretum & to the Museum of Natural Science. Both were fun & neither were crowded. <---Another blessing of homeschool, few crowds in an over-crowded city is wonderful! KMan LOVED the museum, especially the exhibit on gems (he wants to be a prospector/miner!). He is going to science lab every week & he's super happy about that because it's so hands on. He even did an experiment with dry ice, which we all know is fun stuff. He's getting to play with friends at the park & getting lots of socialization - hours of it, instead of 15-30 minute stretches. <br />
KMan's life is pretty great right now, and the best part is - he knows it! When I first told him he wasn't going back to public school, it was not pretty. He was VERY upset & said a lot of mean things. I "ruined his year" (though not his life, lol). I was afraid he was going to take extra convincing about how awesome homeschooling is. I thought it would take months of lots of strategically planned FUN for him to see the benefits of homeschooling.<br />
Nope.<br />
Here we are, at the end of week 2, and he has declared that<br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: large;">he never wants to go to public school again</span></i></b>. <br />
Also, he has requested that I not enroll him in high school or college, and instead I should be his personal tour guide of all museums & such at that stage of life, so he'll just learn from me. Something tells me he'll change his mind by college, but I'm happy to have this win for now!! <br />
His anxiety has lessened. His thirst for knowledge is increasing. His bond with his brother his growing. His respect for me is building. His ability to be himself has been restored, and while it may be crazy to deal with at time, it's so great to see him happy to be HIM again.<br />
It's a tough thing, to homeschool. I'm trying not to pressure myself into teaching to the standard of public school. To be okay with him not learning something his public school peers may learn is challenging, but I remind myself that there are things he gets to learn that they don't. He's reading, and he's listening to me read, and from my perspective that's the most important thing at his age. The rest will come in time. Intelligence is not a race, and it comes most easily when it is desired.<br />I'm pretty tired by the end of the day, and my house is even more of a mess than it was a month ago. Some days I really want to just run away the second I can hand off parenting duties to daddy (and by run away, I totally mean go to the grocery store. ALONE). We're still finding our groove & figuring out how to handle all being together 24/7/365 (remember - daddy works from home - so we're really ALL here, ALL the time!). I can honestly say though, I wouldn't trade the past two weeks of <strike>chaos</strike> homeschooling for him being in school. We<b> absolutely, without a doubt, </b>made the right decision. It was really hard to trust that the desire God placed upon me was really the right thing for our family, but I'm so thankful I trusted Him & that He is rewarding us because of it. My only regret is that I let this decision consume (and stress) me for so long. Otherwise, life is good.Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00419198723978831879noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6074485454717393392.post-10302219489873058842015-01-07T18:48:00.002-08:002015-01-07T18:48:50.038-08:00I'm Certainly NOT Super Mom!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Look, I appreciate the accolades I've gotten for all I do with Kman. Everyone needs an "attaboy" from time to time & I truly am trying my hardest to do my best for him. BUT, taking on the homeschool thing does NOT make me a super mom by any means! I dare say that all of my wonderful friends who have praised me & in the same breath said "I could <i>never</i>!" actually could - and would - if they were in my shoes. I say that because I only pick the most amazing people I meet to be my friends. ...and because, seriously, how many moms WOULDN'T do everything they had to do to help their children achieve all they could?</div>
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I have spent some moment(s) of every day since making this decision grieving the time I will never get to myself. It seems a little silly that we so desperately want to be parents, but then we ((stay at home moms in this instance)) can't wait until the kids are old enough to be in school all day so we can have freedom - and, mostly, PEACE & QUIET. That is how we think though, and when I'm out & see other women, who I can just tell are moms with kiddos all off to school, I envy them a bit. I have hardly had any moments to myself since Sweetie Pie Sparkles was born. One weekend, and a few hours here & there over the past 2.5 years. He even slept with me at the hospital when I had my appendectomy. I obviously LOVE him, but I also LOVE alone time. Whatever that is. I forget.</div>
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Anyway, back on track... I don't think I'm especially qualified to be a teacher. BUT, I'm certainly qualified to teach my kids all they need to know in life. I do <i>not</i> have much patience (and, sadly, I'm still a yeller), but I can always lock myself in the bathroom if I really, really need to get away from them. I don't have the energy/stamina/desire to go, go, go all day long, but it's what I have to do. Every single argument any one of you would have for why you "could never" homeschool, trust me - I've had all those arguments with myself!</div>
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BUT, the thing is, I got pretty sick of looking at stuff like this every day:</div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ryl2teirbaA/VK3oQfE5edI/AAAAAAAAG2Y/AlMob3GGiqE/s1600/1211141722.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ryl2teirbaA/VK3oQfE5edI/AAAAAAAAG2Y/AlMob3GGiqE/s1600/1211141722.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
That's his daily behavior chart FULL of all the "wrongs" he did pretty much daily. The pink things are "oops slips" that got sent home because he had to sit in time out during specials (specials = art, music, PE, etc). These came home on. the. regular. I also got more than my share of emails, comments from others, and constant daily worries about what was happening at school while I wasn't there. <br />
At some point it' was just too much. The stress, the worry, the numbness I gained from daily behavioral "issues", even though I'd had multiple meetings & everyone Kman came in contact with was supposed to be aware of his NEUROLOGICAL condition that prevents him from being able to so easily follow the rules, quit talking, etc, etc. Almost everything he got "in trouble" for was something that anyone with any clue about ADHD would know required extra assistance for him to accomplish & certainly a little extra grace. The school continued to fail to give that to my BABY, and so I did what I had to do to give him all he deserves to have. <br />
I don't think a single parent reading this wouldn't do everything in their power to help their child as best they could. I can't afford the ridiculous tuition for a school equipped to help Kman thrive, so I have to be that school instead. It is what it is. I will always do anything & everything I can to ensure my children's success in life. Even give up my hope of "freedom" & peace & quiet for 7 hours a day while the kids are at school.<br />
Oh, and also, didn't I mention once that his teacher made him put his Bible away & told him it was illegal for him to bring it to school? Who does that? He was SO excited to have an adult Bible of his own & wanted to just read & read & read. Who discourages a child from that? Whether you believe or not, he was wanting to read a pretty advanced book & you squashed it based on a legality that doesn't even exist??? **off soapbox**<br />My life is stressed-filled & oh-so-difficult on so many levels most of you will never understand. That's okay (great for you even!). Those of you who do understand all too well, I do get what you're struggling through - and I know you get what I'm struggling through too. I appreciate the attaboys & back pats & the prayers & the hugs &, well, every bit of encouragement any of you have to offer! Some days knowing that someone - anyone - saw that I did something right is the only spark of hope I have for calling the day a success. So, if you want to call me Super Mom, I'm cool with that, but no matter how hard or how easy your own motherhood journey is, you should give yourself the same title. We are all doing the best with what we have. Here's to you Super Mom! -and may you never say "I could never..." because, well, karma. ;)Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00419198723978831879noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6074485454717393392.post-42438824391576713502015-01-05T18:15:00.002-08:002015-01-05T18:21:26.687-08:00Our Homeschool Adventures Began!Shortly before Christmas break I finally decided I'd had enough of indecisiveness about homeschooling Kman. The amount of time I spent trying to decide what was best & stressing over if what I was doing was right or if what I could be doing was right... it was all-consuming! So, I decided to pull him. I told his school the afternoon before their last day of the December, but I didn't tell him for several more days. I was SCARED. I know Kman, he's unpredictable. I didn't want to deal with the drama. Once I finally did tell him, he flipped out. He was SO mad & told me I ruined his year. (Which means I'm totally doing this parenting thing right, because we're SUPPOSED to ruin everything, right???) He worked through a lot of anxiety about it & by last night was pretty excited to start something new.<br />
This morning he woke up & right away asked if we could start school. Of course, when I mentioned his excitement he told me that wasn't it at all, he just wanted to "get it over with". I'm calling that bluff though. He was excited. Yay! <br />
The day actually went better than I imagined, though I'm sure there will be rough days throughout our homeschooling journey. We started with a short Bible study (score 1 for no more public school!), then did art. Today we did glue drawings. He didn't quit catch on to it like I thought he would, but he did his drawing anyway & tomorrow we will chalk paint them so he can better understand why he was supposed to do it the way I said. Next came math, which was the moment of freak out for Kman. See, he's REALLY good at math, but school had somehow made him grow to hate it. He was very resistant to having to sit with me & study math. ...then I brought out Life of Fred & he was relieved. Just based on today's experience, I think LoF might be a perfect fit for us. We've only made it through 2 chapters of Apples though, so I'll withhold my songs of praise for now.<br />
Then<br />
We went for a walk! We fed the ducks (he even got one to eat out of his hands!), we dug in mud (well, not so much ME), and we got to chat with friends. -but, wait, aren't homeschooled kids totally deprived of social interaction? bwahahahaha! <br />
We came home, had lunch, Kman had about an hour to get his chore done (today was washing his sheets) & do whatever he felt like. Then, handwriting. I've been working on this for a few months now, so we took out the Handwriting for a Reason book & he did 2 lessons. Meanwhile, Sweetie Pie Sparkles was playing PlayDoh. Once he finished his handwriting, Kman joined him & I read from 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea while Kman worked on a PlayDoh design to go with the story. He chose to make Abraham Lincoln, since the boat was named after him. After a few chapters, my voice was shot, so we called t good. Then the 3 of us spent a good half hour being silly with PlayDoh. Kman still had to read before we could finish the school day, so he read a couple chapters of one of his I Survived books & then we headed out for a couple of hours at the playground. (Well, actually, the boys mostly played in the "forest", my kids are just much more into adventures than playgrounds these days.)<br />
That was it. We survived our first day of homeschool & it was actually kinda fun. I was afraid I'd be so worn out (I am, but that's because neither of them wanted to sleep last night) & frustrated by the end of the day that I'd want to run away. I'm sure I will have those days, but today wasn't really one. Even as Sweetie Pie Sparkles has decided to give up naps, so it was allll day with both of them. Guess what though? I actually kinda like my kids. ;) Being able to spend this precious time with them is a blessing (remind me of that on rough days, please!), and growing a stronger bond between the 3 of us will no doubt be amazing. I guess I'm kind of getting to make up for the time I didn't get to have with Kman when I had to work full time. Now I'm getting to teach him even better things than how to talk and use a potty and all that. This is way more fun! I'm going to be a little more tired and I'm going to be a lot more talked out (BOTH of my boys like to talk - all. day. long), and some days I'm sure I'll feel ready to run away forever... but when I look back I hope I remember these days with as much fondness & enlightenment as I have tonight. <br />
For any doubts that I had about whether this was the right thing or not, today made me feel more sure that this IS the right thing for Kman & for our family in general. So, here's to 2015 & all the drastic lifestyle changes it brings our family. ...and also to lessening our stress because let's face it, not waking up to an alarm clock & not dealing with homework drama is going to be a major de-stresser!Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00419198723978831879noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6074485454717393392.post-61819560398223518892014-12-30T16:59:00.001-08:002014-12-30T16:59:12.482-08:002015The past few years have been full of big changes & exhausting challenges. There was selling a house (that took 6 months, mind you!), adding a new baby, moving away from the city we called home all our lives, sending Kman off to school, building a house, saying goodbye to loved ones, and so many more life changing events. 2015 will certainly continue that trend as we take on some serious lifestyle changes in our family. For now though, let's talk about everyone's favorite New Years topic... RESOLUTIONS.<br />
<br />
his year I decided to make just 2 resolutions:<br />
<b><i>1 - Be more present & more patient with my kids.</i></b><br />
<b><i>2 - Run</i></b><br />
<br />
I think the first is actually kinda two, but they will easily go hand in hand. If I'm more present (not allowing technology, to-do lists, and all the other distracting things to be my priority over my kids), I will be more patient. ...and by being more patient (slowing down, taking time to show them how to do things, to not get so upset when they make mistakes, to really listen to their words, and to truly appreciate every moment I have with them), I will be more present. It almost seems like a silly thing to make into a resolution, but I'm being honest by saying it isn't happening enough now & I need to resolve to do better.<br />
<br />
The second resolution is really as simple as I put it. Run. I don't want to aspire to any particular mileage, race, PR, or any other running-related goal, I just want to get back to running. Since having Graham (well, actually since about the third trimester with him), my running has been very sporadic. I've lost a lot of the joy I get from it which has held me back from re-establishing the habit. (Not to mention the fact that I've lost my running partner which makes running not nearly as fun.) I feel so much better when I run though. I have more energy, less stress, and honestly, it lifts my mood in general. 2015 has to be the year I get back to the joy of running. Hopefully I'll find a way to make it a regular part of my schedule, but even if I don't, I'm resolving just to do it. 1 mile a week, 10 miles a day, whatever it is, I resolve to do it. I do plan to run a full marathon still, but I don't think 2015 will be the year.<br />
<br />
annnnnnnd, now, I must act upon the first resolution before I even start the new year, as Sweetie Pie Sparkles is begging to sit in his mommy's lap. :)Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00419198723978831879noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6074485454717393392.post-44787851465970257972014-12-14T13:23:00.003-08:002014-12-14T13:29:41.937-08:00Never Once<span style="font-size: large;">Standing on this mountaintop, looking just how far we've come; knowing that for every step, you were with us.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Kneeling on this battleground, seeing just how much you've done; knowing every victory was your power in us.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Scars & struggles on the way, but with joy our hearts can say:</span><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: large;">Never once did we ever walk alone.</span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-size: large;">Never once did you leave us on our own.</span></i></b><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">You are faithful, God, you are faithful.</span><br />
<br />
Those are powerful words to Never Once, a beautiful song by Matt Redman. I encourage you to look it up on YouTube & listen, if you're struggling with anything (and who isn't?!) it's so moving!<br />
<br />
What brought that up? Well, this morning I was eager to go to church, but also totally not feeling it. It's been such a rough week with Kman & I've fallen to my knees (yes, literally) many, many, many times this week, begging, pleading, crying... The bad behavior marks, the "oops slips", the comments by other people, the chaos of our daily lives, the frustration of living with a child who doesn't hear & respond to things in ways that most people do, the disappointment (once again) in not being able to do "normal" holiday stuff like "everyone else" gets to... I just don't understand how I am suppose to get through this, I don't understand why I was chosen to be his mother, I don't have a clue why God thought I could handle even a fraction of all that we struggle through every day with Kman - yet here we are. So, as I was getting ready this morning & debating if I really wanted to drag the kids to church or not, a quiet voice (not literally for those of you keeping tabs) said to just go. If nothing else, it's a little over an hour of free babysitting. :p (That's mostly a joke, even if it's not a good one.) <br />
We got the kids dropped off, got the hubby ((more)) caffeinated, and settled into our seats. When the music started, I still wasn't feeling it. Then came this song. I was holding back the tears as best I could, but a few still managed to leak out. I have felt SO alone SO often lately. Nobody else understands my exact struggle. Sure, there are other parents of special needs kids - some battling bigger obstacles, some smaller, some similar - but every journey is unique, so none of us can completely understand the battle of another. Sure, there are other people who truly love Kman & feel true sadness, frustration, worry, exhaustion, etc - but none of them feels it the same as I do because I am his MOTHER. Not even his dad takes it on in the same way that I do. Oh, I could go on & on with comparisons, but the point is, no matter who else might be able to kind of understand, to empathize with me, to support me, etc, nobody else is as knee deep in this exact struggle as me. I have felt so very alone!!<br />
Then, this song.<br />
<i>Never once did I ever walk alone - never once did God leave me on my own. God is faithful. </i> It's me that's not being so faithful. I fall to my knees & beg for him to help me, but, I'm looking for him to erase all the hard times, wipe away all the tears, make the heartache go completely away. It doesn't work that way. Can any of us, as parents, make life so that our children never feel pain, face difficulties, or have their heart break? No. He is not leaving me alone, He is my father & here to hold me, to listen to me, to comfort me, but He's not ever going to just take it all away. Every time I've fallen down & pleaded for help, I'm sure it has been given, but I've been looking for it in the wrong way. <br />
It's time to quit being so full of "whoa is me" & start finding contentment in what I have on my plate. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am. (You may know this better as "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength".) I can make it through anything, and the struggles of my life are certainly something. That doesn't mean I won't cry out in frustration, pleading for an easier day ahead. That doesn't mean I won't ask for help when I'm drowning in the midst of emotional turmoil. That doesn't mean I will cease to feel the pain or that the burdens of my day will become obsolete. It simply means that no matter who hard any particular day, hour, or moment is, I will be okay in knowing that God has me in His hands & it will all work for His greater will.<br />
Kman will do great things in his life. I have no doubt of that. We will all survive his childhood. I do often have doubts of that... but I trust that God has that all worked out. Right now I'm tasked with teaching him how to trust in God & not worry about what any man thinks or says about him. That's a hard lesson for a young guy, but you can't even imagine the struggles he faces every day. I stumbled across a website written by a young ADHDer (adhdkidsrock.com) & found the young man's purpose statement so fitting for Kman, as he often complains of these problems. In fact, I think he could've written this himself. Stop and think about these words coming out of the mouth of ADHD kids next time you're quick to judge the actions of kids you don't know...<br />
<i>"My life sometimes has been ridiculously hard because I have ADHD - mostly because people don't understand me. They think I'm bad, what they don't see is how much I struggle and how hard I'm trying to be good and to fit in. In turn this has taught me compassion for others who are different. They think I'm stupid, but if they really got to know me they would know how incredibly intelligent and caring I am. They think I'm going to be a failure and I'm going to prove them wrong."</i>Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00419198723978831879noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6074485454717393392.post-9180625290430922512014-11-17T18:41:00.003-08:002014-11-17T18:41:56.815-08:00Pass the BonBons, Please.6:40am - a little voice yells at me from the top of the stairs. "Mommmmmmmy!" Why does this happen every morning? Some days I seriously consider changing my name! Then, that sweet face looks down at me & with all the energy & enthusiasm a 2 year old can have, he blurts out "GOOD MORNING MOMMY! I WAKE UP!" (He also does this when he wakes up in the middle of the night, and it's just as cute then.)<br />
By the time I get him settled (Mickey Mouse turned on, sippy full of milk in his hands, blanket adjusted just-so), and sit down next to him, the dogs start up.<br />
I let them out, I feed them, they growl at each other & the kiddo, sometimes I let them out again... then I sit down again.<br />
BUT! Here comes big brother. Big brother is full of big demands. He wants a smoothie, he needs some pants - because he didn't bother to take his laundry upstairs the night before, he doesn't want to watch Mickey Mouse <i>again</i>...<br />
I get him settled also, and this time opt for a cup of coffee instead of sitting down. Sweet, precious nectar of the mommy gods. How any mom (or dad, or human for that matter) can manage through a morning without coffee is way beyond me! Every once & a while I get to finish a whole cup while it's still hot. Today was not one of those days. <br />
I take a sip of my coffee & realize I have to make lunch for Kman. I put the coffee down & stare at the options for his lunch. <i> I really should go back to making his lunch at night.</i> <--- I think that every morning, but by the time everyone is in bed for the night there's just no way I want to do a single other thing. No. I decide on crackers, meat, cheese, tomatoes, olives, & a chocolate milk. ((By the way, he came home with ALL of that, except the chocolate milk. Can I just not send a lunch, or is that frowned upon?)) <br />Now Sweetie Pie Sparkles is torturing the dogs. I have to stop that. Man, I really want some coffee. I NEED some coffee! Where did I put the coffee? Oh, man, it's too close to time for school to search for my coffee. I send Kman to make his bed, brush his teeth, and get his socks. He does 1 of these things. I send him back to do the other 2. He comes back with a book & a toy. He didn't accomplish either task. Now I'm frustrated & desperate for my coffee! I find it, take a gulp, and send him back to brush his dang teeth & get his socks! He comes back down, having accomplished both tasks. At least he says he did. Who knows if he actually brushed his teeth. That's his problem, not mine. Nobody wants to be friends with stinky-breath boy! <br />
Sweetie Pie Sparkles takes a potty break, I gather all the stuff we need to get in the car, and off we go. Holy monkey cow! (That's an old saying of the hubby's, weird, eh?) The carpool line is ridiculous this morning. Where did all these people come from? I never can figure out why some mornings are busier than others in the carpool. It's a strange phenomenon, but it's carpool, it'll never make sense.<br />
I finally get Kman to school & get SPS & I back home, where I FINALLY get to eat breakfast. It's 9am. Gosh already! I eat, SPS eats yet again (I think he averages 3 breakfasts), then we're off for a walk. I take my coffee with us. The wind makes walking pretty miserable, so we have friends over & play. <br />Before we know it, it's 11. Guess who is hungry again? When I go to feed him, I realize I never did finish that cup of coffee. I dump it down the drain because I don't want to drink it now & be up all night long! (I have a strong love-hate relationship with caffeine.)<br />
Once he's fed I turn on Mickey ((again!)) & go to take a shower. Oh, did I mention, it's now 11:30 & I'm finally changing out of the clothes I wore yesterday? Yeah, that's pretty typical. How does that even happen you ask? Exhaustion my friends, pure exhaustion.<br />
They day continued on pretty typically. You get the idea. I'm sharing all this for a few reasons.<br />
1 - stay at home moms DO NOT have time to sit around watching soap operas & eating BonBons (unless I'm doing something terribly wrong??).<br />
2 - I need to get back to waking up at ridiculous-o-clock, just so I can finish a cup of coffee before the munchkins wake up!<br />
3 - I think I've decided that *right now* I can't homeschool. I feel like I barely make it through the day with any sanity left as it is. I can't add Kman to that. Not right now. I WANT to homeschool. I love the idea of it all. The lifestyle, the ability to teach him what he wants to learn, the chance to spend more time instilling the values & morals I want him to have, the opportunity to really know him, the chance to share more time with him before he's too cool for me... I can't do it right now though. Since I had SPS & we moved away from all of our family, I can count on 1 hand how many chances I've had to be ALONE for 2+hours. Yes, I know that's part of parenthood, but I'm exhausted. I need a break. My sanity is on the cusp of breaking, if I throw in another child 24/7 it just might happen. Of course I can still change my mind at any given moment (and I probably will!), but right now I just can't. He's doing better in school & I'm trying to take a more active approach to helping him form real friendships because I think that will help him tremendously. I'm also working on the areas of education that he's struggling with (handwriting!!) and that's he's super interested in (science & reading), hoping to influence his educational passions. For right now, this is what I have to work with. This is all I have in me to give. I'm looking forward to summer, when I can attempt a little schooling to see if maybe I have it in me more than I realize, then I can decide what to do from there. Especially since he'll likely be slated to start YET ANOTHER new school that will open next year. (That will be his 5th school (3rd elementary), the 4th school since we moved here. Poor child could use some stability!) <br />
Now, I'm off to put Kman to sleep, <strike>eat some BonBons (I actually wish I had some of those right now!)</strike> drink some wine, and sleep like a baby! -Just not like one of MY babies, since we all know how that goes. heheHelenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00419198723978831879noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6074485454717393392.post-11676383484371789312014-11-06T11:36:00.000-08:002014-11-06T11:38:03.814-08:00Hello Indecisiveness!This week has been very much un-fun. Kman came home from school Monday with a fever. A fever that finally broke today. At first, I saw it as a great opportunity to sell him on the idea of homeschooling & I may have even been a bit too pushy about it. :p We did "school" on Tuesday. It took 45 minutes tops. What kids wouldn't be ecstatic about the possibility of spending just 45 minutes doing a full day of school work? Well, mine. ha. He was very upset about missing school because it was library day. So, a few hours into the day (and long after we'd finished that pesky school work) I decided he wasn't really<i> that </i>sick, so running into the library to get new books would be okay. The books we already had were due, so we had to drop them off anyway, so why not. We went in & got the books he was really wanting & we were back home reading them before lunch time. I made sure to draw his attention to how awesome it would be if he weren't sick because at this point we'd have all afternoon to go PLAY! Yay. He wasn't really buying it though. We made a robot, we painted, we read books, we looked up random things on the internet... it was really what a homeschool day would be for us (except that there was no play time). Of course by Tuesday night he was super sickly - lethargic, whiny, achy, and just blah.<br />
Wednesday I skipped pushing any kind of work on him because neither one of us got much sleep on Tuesday night. We did go to the doctor because I have no idea how much school he is allowed to miss without a note, and I was concerned about his cough & general ick. Of course it was a waste of money, it's a viral "flu-like" something-or-other. We spent most of the day laying around watching tv & trying to rest. The boys & I were all quite bored, but Kman was sick enough that there was no effort to be put into doing more than laying around.<br />
Today (Thursday) Kman started right up with being ornery & mean to his brother & I woke up not feeling so great. Not a good combo. At all. I decided there was NO way I could homeschool him. He's too dang stubborn & often mean, it would be a bad idea to take it on, especially while dealing with a 2 year old that suddenly feels the need to be VERY 2. I decided I was done. No way. Not gonna humor the idea of homeschooling anymore. When I finally had had enough of the boys fighting, of Kman being intentionally mean to me, enough of being stuck in the house, enough of feeling so confined, I packed us all in the car. We couldn't go anywhere since Kman is possibly contagious, but we could drive around & get out of the house! <br />
Then, as we drove down the road (after I may or may not have totally lost it, and before I may or may not have felt ready to go drop them off at <i>anyone</i> else's house), it happened...<br />
<br />
He said "so, if I were in homeschool, I could..." and he listed several great things. Then, he said "<b>no matter what, I am not going to school tomorrow!</b>". <br />
<br />
Wait, what?<br />
<br />
Well, of course that made me stop & rethink my rethinking! Are you confused yet? Yeah, me too!<br />
<br />
I realize I don't have to make a decision about this RIGHT NOW, or even in 5 days... or 5 months. I realize I can decide what's right at any time, but will I ever decide?! As soon as I figure it out, something changes my mind. Sheesh. I am an indecisive person, but this is ridiculous even for me! Granted, I'm a mom & we stress so much about doing right by our kids, and I'm so afraid of making the wrong choice, but even then it's ridiculous that I can't just decide something!<br />
<br />
All that said... who is tired of the ping pong game I'm playing here? Should I shut up now? Yeah, probably so...Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00419198723978831879noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6074485454717393392.post-30570585551021537322014-10-28T20:32:00.001-07:002014-10-28T20:32:22.708-07:00Don't Play Games With THE MAN, He Always Wins.In an effort to convince myself that I've just made up this sudden "calling" to homeschool Kman, I've come up with several game plans that God is just laughing about.<br />
<br />
First, he was having several "good" (behavior) days in a row last week, so I decided <i>that</i> was a sign that I was making this all up & I should tuck my tail & continue on the public school route. <br />
The "bad" days came back.<br />
Yeah, yeah, total coincidence.<br />
<br />
Next up, I knew they were adding a new class to Kman's grade this week, so I decided that it would be a sure sign that I was supposed to do this if studentX was pulled from his class. You see, studentX is Kman's "best friend" in class & one of the big reasons that he doesn't like the idea of leaving public school.<br />
StudentX got transferred to the new class.<br />
<i>Really?</i> Come on! What are the chances of that? ...but maybe the odds weren't as steep as I thought. I mean... <i>really?? </i>When I threw that thought out into the universe I swear I did not expect that answer. Seriously. Grrrrr.<br />
<br />
So I said this morning (after a "good" day yesterday that even included not getting an "oops slip" from the one specials class he ALWAYS gets one in), "okay, if he has a 'bad' day today, I'll believe you, this is for real, I need to get on board & quite fighting it".<br />
Guess what?<br />
He had a "bad" day.<br />
In fact, by the marking in his folder, I'd say it was bad enough to frustrate his teacher a bit.<br />
<br />
So, there you have it. I quit playing. I'm obviously not going to win. (Yet that tiny voice is still saying "I just don't know... maybe there's a way out of this still...") <br />
<br />
I was already pretty convinced that homeschooling is right, I just don't really wanna. I mean, I DO. So many things get me so very excited about it... but so many others scare me to death! You know what the #1 thing for me is though? The thing that makes me feel like I'm really just a homeschool supporter? The thing I find absolutely broken about elementary schooling? <br />
<br />
<b>I'd rather my kids play than study.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
Don't read that incorrectly. I did NOT say I'd rather them play than learn (and remember that playing is learning!), I said I'd rather them play than study. Maybe my opinion is largely based on the type of kiddo Kman is, maybe it's not, I don't know, but I think kids are expected to grow up too fast. I think kids have to leave behind make believe, discovery, and carefree fun way before they should. Should a 7 year old really spend 7 hours sitting in a school, 30 minutes - 1 hour studying (homework & reading), and then have to cram a little play into what's left? The whole concept just doesn't sit well with me. It feels so very wrong. Don't even get me started on how I feel about summer breaks... ;)Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00419198723978831879noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6074485454717393392.post-15497699474157134352014-10-26T08:53:00.000-07:002014-10-26T09:21:44.794-07:00To Homeschool or Not To Homeschool...To homeschool or not to homeschool is a pretty big question. A HUGE question actually. Or, rather, the decision is HUGE (though the question is lingering enough to make it pretty huge also).<br />
I put lots of thought & tons of prayer (and even a smidge of research) into my answer of this question. Then I asked Kman his opinion & it brought me right back to square one. /sigh/<br />
Before you even say them, I am well aware of the following things & have put much thought into them the past few days:<br />
<br />
I am the parent, what I say goes.<br />
He can't really decide between something he knows & something he doesn't.<br />
We can always change our minds.<br />
And about a million other arguments both for & against me letting him have an opinion on this.<br />
<br />
One morning I woke up & randomly had a *very* strong feeling about homeschooling. It scared me that I suddenly wanted to pull Kman & join the homeschooling world. I always said I would if I <i>had </i>to, but I was always counting on not having to. ha. Be careful what you say, huh? I prayed over it, I asked several other people to pray over it, and I started doing some serious research into it. Curriculum, co-ops, extracurriculars, ways to socialize, laws, schedule examples... I looked into so much. Within a week I had a very calm but intense feeling that homeschooling was the right choice. All the stress I have been carrying for months washed off my shoulders. (Well, other than the stress of having to tell hubby that I was sure I wanted to do this. :p) I had no more doubts, no more worries, we'd figure this all out, even if it were just for the rest of this year. Homeschooling doesn't have to be forever... but it can be. That's the great thing about freedom of education, we can try everything we need to & stick with what works until it doesn't before changing things up again.<br />
In my head I was ready, and I wanted to pull the plug on public school soon. I figured I'd finish out the month, take a little break to de-school, then get things started up. Bring it on!<br />
...then I brought it up to Kman. I asked him what he'd think of getting to be with me (and Sweetie Pie Sparkles (SPS)) all day. He said he'd be annoyed because SPS whines too much. He doesn't whine all day, but totally legit. I tried a different angle... I reminded him of a friend that homeschools & asked if thought that would be fun, getting to be at home all day like she is. No, he likes school (where did this come from?), plus he has to be really bad at school for his teacher to call home, but if he were with me I'd probably call his dad more easily & he'd be in big trouble. Yet another angle, a bit more bluntly... what if you got to do your schoolwork at home with me, and you'd have lots more time to play? Nope. He'd miss his teacher, he really loves his teacher. <br />
I have since moved on to a totally different method of showing him videos of things homeschool kids do during their co-ops. He thinks it's really cool, but he asked if he could go to a co-op one day & school the other days. Womp. Womp. Womp. I'm going to keep trying some with the videos. I really wish there were some YouTube videos of kids talking to other kids about why homeschooling is great. Maybe there are some & I haven't found them - yet.<br />
I do think he deserves to have a say in this, even if I have final say. Not only because he deserves a voice in his education but also because the kind of personality he has, he has to be on board or this will be a big nightmare! <br />
This morning he woke up & asked to do some school. (WHAT???!! Okay!) So I took out his handwriting book & he willingly, and happily, worked on a few lessons. Then, I read to him while he played. There's our writing & literature lesson for the day. Just like that. Now he's playing Legos, which is kinda play & education because you really have to exercise your brain for Legos. We're going to have a short lesson about poop (yes, you read that right - all boy here!) in a bit because he wants to learn about it. I'll probably also throw in some kind of math game on the computer. When he's done all that & I tell him he just had a full day of school, maybe that will help him see how different, but not bad or scary or un-fun, homeschooling is. <br />
Of course his not wanting to homeschool put doubts back into my mind. So many fears of being able to teach him all he needs to know (but let's be real, public school is wonderful in lots of cases, but it basically teaches every kid the exact same thing with little chance of learning extras or being given one-on-one when you need it), worries of ME burning out with 2 kiddos underfoot 24/7, stresses of keeping the kiddos quiet enough for the hubby to get his work done & not add to his stress...<br />
There's the other side though - the excitement of having freedom to go when & where we want, for learning or just for fun, the ability to alter his education around his abilities & his interests, the joy of knowing my child better than I ever imagined... <br />
So, the summary of all these words is that I still don't know for sure what I'm doing. I'm pretty sure I do want to homeschool. I'm pretty sure I will homeschool (maybe I'll just start in January), but I'm still not totally sure. I'm doubting myself, I'm uncertain of what's best for Kman, I'm worried about the hubby not being 100% on board & making things harder on him. Basically I'm still carrying a lot of confusion around with me about this. <br />
Time will tell, right?...<br />
<br />
**As soon as I finished writing this, Kman showed up in the room, so we went ahead with our poop "lesson". He kinda paid attention, but SPS was also in the room and, oh boy! SPS was chanting "poop. poopoo, peepee, poop", and acting pretty 2-year-old-ish, Kman was not super interested because all he really wants is to go to Target & buy something, and I was frustrated because - really? /sigh/ Could I really do this? We did sorta get through what I wanted to. Kman should at least know what an esophagus is now. I guess that's something.Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00419198723978831879noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6074485454717393392.post-48617476712088016312014-10-16T11:46:00.001-07:002014-10-16T11:50:01.560-07:00Decisions SuckYesterday I was finally in a place that I was ready to discuss what has gone on in my meetings at the school. Then I got the report from the district psychologist & it has kinda put me in a bad place all over again. I'm going to try to stick with my original plan to go over the meeting, but I may veer off course. You've been warned. ;)<br />
So, the first meeting I went to at the school was horrible. Not that anyone there was mean or not willing to help my child, it just struck deep for me because I am the mom. Even the things I already knew they'd say hurt because them saying it all made it more real. If that even makes sense (I'm sure if you've been in this position it totally does!). <i><span style="font-size: x-small;">*Side note, I share this info for 2 reasons - 1, so that the people that know us & care about what's going on know without me saying it a million times; 2, so that those of you living this lief also know what happens in other parent conferences. Remember - you are not alone.*</span></i><br />
<br />
Meeting #1 started as going over a bunch of things I already knew: His trip to (and many subsequent hours spent in) the asst principal's office. (He stuck a paperclip in an outlet. /sigh/) His behavior in the classroom & in specials (he was getting an oops slip pretty much every day). His difficulties with peers. Things I DIDN'T see coming were numerous. Among them, other parents expressing concern about him (both in regards to slowing the class' academic progress & in fear of harm to their kid - what?!), which they couldn't really discuss in details & that still bothers me. Why are they allowed to talk about him, but I'm not allowed to know what they say? :( They also blindsided me with a write-up from the school bus where he was pushing kids & told another student to do something to a kindergartner, which the student then did. (I have since pulled him from the bus, it was obviously too overwhelming for him to be on there. PS, carpool in a school of almost 1,000 kids SUCKS.) There were other things discussed that had me on the verge of tears, but I managed to keep it together until I left the school. We left this meeting with a second one set, which would happen after the psychologist observed him.<br />
Meanwhile I had the "normal" parent-teacher conference, where his teacher had nothing new to report (yay!), and his academics were great. He's a really smart kid, he just has typical ADHD problems. <br />
Meeting #2 was much better, as they really had nothing bad to report to me. The psychologist didn't have her report written up yet, but she went over her observations with me. She had called me after she finished the last one, so I kinda already knew what all she was thinking (or so I thought...), so nothing she shared was new. She expressed concern about his anxiety & explained that it went hand in hand with depression, and depression is very common in ADHD people, so we need to keep an eye on it. She had come up with wonderful accommodations for him (velcro under his desk to fidget with, a behavior chart to tally throughout the day, with rewards based on the number of good marks, the option to leave the classroom to regroup when his meds wear off... I don't even recall all of them anymore), but his teacher felt that he was doing really well by meeting #2 & didn't feel the need to implement most of the recommended accommodations.<br />
Then yesterday I got the psychologist's full report. Wow. I had no idea just how much was going on with him in the classroom! Even with all I had been told, so much was left out! When she did her observations he was already on his new med (Focalin), so it was even worse before. HOW did they wait this long to clue me in?! A few excerpts I don't mind sharing...<br />
During the 25 minutes of instruction & independent practice, he was out of his seat about 15 times - either going to the front to look at books, to talk to another child, or to go to the treasure chest (even though he had not earned it).<br />
He asked a girl next to him several questions, each time about 6-7 times before she answered him (she appeared to be ignoring him).<br />
He then asked her [teacher], "X, Y, Z" and continued talking about clothes and mom sewing clothes. [I don't sew, by the way. :p]<br />
...students were allowed to lie down if they chose, and he crawled around on the floor picking up things from the floor. He appeared to be listening as he popped up & said "let me see" as she read certain things... he brought the things he had collected off the floor and brought it to where a boy was sitting... he was told to throw them away, then returned to collecting them.<br />
He made noises, about 3 per minute at times (motor running, martial arts, robots) during warm-up & poem time.<br />
I left so much out because I don't want to cross a line for him personally in the future. But, you can get an idea. If this is what she observed in just 2 one-hour visits, what is going on ALL DAY LONG? ...and what do I do with this information?<br />
I really thought things were looking up until I got this report back, He had a solid week of good days & success (as far as I know anyway), and now he's had 2 "bad" behavior days in a row this week, so I fear him coming home & having to report yet another one to us. I'm starting to realize that morning are so awful & stressful because he is stressed about going to school. He's not quite as bad on the weekend, so it's not just that mornings are rough (though they all are, don't get me wrong), he's just anxious. What do I do with that?<br />
What I'm considering is homeschool. Oh, heavens. I've always said I would if I had to, I just hoped I wouldn't have to. He is starting to not like school though, and I really don't want to see that! Private school would be great, except the part where it costs money. I won't rule it out completely, but somehow I just don't see it happening. Of course I don't really see homeschool happening, but I may just me temporarily blind to it. Every day that goes by does make the possibility seem more real. HOW though? HOW? If a school full of people trained to handle all kinds of kids can't help him, how will I??? I want what's best for him though, so I'm doing some serious research & I'm going to figure this all out. Maybe things will start to look up for him in public school. Maybe we'll wake up & find a money tree growing in our yard to cover private school (hey, one can hope!). Or, maybe I'll wake up one day & say enough is enough & figure out a way to make homeschool work.Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00419198723978831879noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6074485454717393392.post-87999885054813490272014-10-12T19:56:00.000-07:002014-10-12T20:02:01.880-07:00Peaks & ValleysThe thing about ADHD is that you have these periods of time when things are good. You're all coping well, the stress is a bit lower, everyone is somewhat happy... then you have these periods of time when things are REALLY awful. There doesn't seem to be an in between (at least not here), it's good - or, well, it's hell.<br />
It's been several weeks of stress, chaos, anger, extreme hyper, intentional annoyance, unintentional annoyance, insane (and early) mornings, difficult nights... well, you get the idea. I really don't think you can understand what it's like unless you have seen it firsthand (either my version, or your own). I've almost gotten used to the ebb & flow of these peaks. I know not to get comfortable when things are good, but I swear to you that the times of bad seem to be getting longer & longer, along with being more intense. I often smile or give a knowing glance when I see people watch in almost horror as my crazy kiddo does, well, crazy *impulsive* things. Inside though, I'm actually about to break.<br />
Today, I didn't want to get out of the bed. Yes, it's that bad. I can't get much more real than that confession. Dragging myself out of bed was a major chore.<br />
I don't mean that I really wanted to be able to just have a relaxing morning (though I do long for that!), nor do I mean that I just wanted to have a little breather today... I mean I didn't want to get out of bed. Like when people become crippled by depression & can't pull themselves out of bed despite the things around them requiring it. THAT bad. It's not depression though, it's stress. (Which I guess is why I was able to get out of bed, though I was fairly useless most of the day, besides making sure everyone stayed alive.) The stress of school and teh chaos of home has caused a stress that has taken its biggest toll on me yet. Unfortunately, there are no vacation or sick days. There is no nearby relative to offer me a reprieve. There is no time away to recharge. I have a kid to get to school every day & a toddler to keep alive - & happy! - every day. We do have a nice respite coming up, but it's only 2.5 hours. Oh, I'm more than thankful for those 2.5 hours... but... /sigh/<br />
The flip side of it all is thinking of what it must be like for KMan. If he's acting out this much, what on earth is happening inside him? Is he miserable (appearances can lie even in kids, right?)? Is he hurting? Is he scared? Is he overwhelmed? Is he all of those & more? ...and how do I help him?! I know he's a compassionate, loving, well-mannered boy, but all of that hides behind his lack of impulse control, and the scrambled messages in his head, and the lack of self esteem I see continue to grow in him. I hurt for him. So much. As much as my heart hurts because of the amount of love he fills it with, my heart also hurts because of the amount of uncertainty his life seems to bring him.<br />
In moments of sheer desperation & hurt, I fall down & scream out WHY LORD? I don't ever really hear an answer, I think He has missed the memo that in this house we <i>do not</i> do whispers. I know there's a reason. I know there's a reason why KMan is the special guy he is, and that all of his struggles, all of his frustrations, all of his hurts, are all for something greater than we know yet. I also know that He chose me as KMan's advocate because I was the perfect one for the job... but, oh the lessons I continue to be taught are so exhausting!! Patience (I can't seem to get that lesson right, so it comes again and again and again). Trust (I screw up there too, so He keeps pleading for me to have faith). Love (I feel like I get this one... but sometimes it's just so hard. And yet, no matter what I ever do, He loves me. Always.) I'm sure I could go on & on thinking of the lessons I'm being handed. Sometimes I get it, but so often I fail. I am human after all.<br />
Tomorrow is a new day. Plus, it's a school day. So, there's my "vacation". Sorta. I do have another meeting at school though, so I expect it to be trying & even more exhausting. It's just a day though, and it too shall pass.Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00419198723978831879noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6074485454717393392.post-73745299737588310372014-09-30T12:22:00.002-07:002014-09-30T12:22:37.692-07:00IsolationDo you ever feel completely alone? Surrounded by lots of family & friends, but all alone? That's kinda where I am right now. Not in a depressed sort of way, just in a NOBODY else gets THIS sort of way. I mean, other people get "it", but there is no-one else on earth going through exactly what I am. I have support, I have love, I have shoulders to cry on... but even though my friends and family accept it, live it, or love me enough to tolerate it, nobody else gets THIS.<br /><span style="font-size: x-small;">((Perhaps before you read further you should reference my last post, because there are ppl who (mostly at least) get it, and there is support for all of us. This post is just my personal pity party, a glimpse of the emotional turmoil I'm living in at this moment.))</span> <br />
I. screwed. up. It is my fault. I thought I had it figured out & I thought life was grand. Boy, oh boy, was I wrong! KMan, he did great *with me* unmedicated. He was awesome. Life was great. (Well, mostly at least.) I suppose because really life was just better than it had been on the ADHD <strike>drug</strike> drug cocktail his former doctor insisted was the best for him. -Notice the word former?!, live & learn. I controlled his environment without even realizing I was controlling it, because I know what works. We didn't frequent crowded places, I allowed the breaking of rules that didn't really matter, I helped him find things to calm himself when he needed to, etc, etc, etc. I did it because I know him & it was just instinct. So I was gung-ho about him being at school unmedicated. He could do it, I mean I knew he'd need accommodations, but it would be okay. <br />
Oh dear heaven, I failed him. I failed him miserably.<br />
He was no longer shielded from crowds (there's almost 1,000 kids in his K-4th school!!), he was no longer allowed to break rules that were okay to break, he was no longer given guidance when he was overwhelmed/overstimulated/over-anything. So the notes began, and the oops slips came, and the calls started... but even with all that, I wasn't really being told how bad it was. You know what the worst part is?<br />
Other parents are concerned.<br />
OTHER PARENTS.<br />
They're afraid my kid might hurt their kid (which I honestly can't see happening - but I know my kid & they don't, so I don't fault them for thinking it's possible. I guess.). They're bothered my kid is sucking up learning time. They're expressing who-knows-what other concerns & all I get to know is that "other parents are concerned". Isn't that awful? That I can't be told more than that? These parents somehow know enough about *MY* child to be concerned, but I'm not allowed to know more about their specific concerns. Seems wrong, doesn't it? But, what do I do?? The handful of parents I've run into have never expressed a concern to me directly & I'm not sure if it's because they're to ??scared?? to, or if the ones I've run into really have no problem. How can I know? Do you have any idea how much that hurts though? To know that ADULTS are forming an opinion about MY BABY, when they don't even know him? and if they are forming an opinion, are they sharing that opinion with their children? If so, where on earth is that going to lead?? Nowhere good, that's for sure.<br />
Seriously, sit and think for a moment - whether you have a NT (neuro-typical aka "normal") kid or a kid with whatever kind of issue... what if that was YOUR BABY that parents were judging???<br />
How can I not feel alone right now? Have YOU ever been told those words? Have YOU ever had your heart stomped on that way? All the support & love in the world cannot fix the part of me that was broken the moment those words were put out there. Never. I will never, ever, ever have that part of my heart back.<br />
If I had the patience (& I didn't have a toddler), I probably would've pulled him from school at that moment to homeschool. But I do not have it in me right now. If I ever <i>have</i> to do it, I will, because that's what moms do, right? But I'm not at that point yet. Why? Because his school is great. They are working so hard to find a way for him. I am working so hard to find a way for him. <br />
KMan is a social butterfly, Right now he's pretty clueless about whether others like him or not (plus, they're still young enough that it changes at the drop of a hat), and as for the few people that he has realized don't like him, he doesn't take that as a bad thing, but as a challenge to change their opinion. :p He's awesome like that. <br />
Me on the other hand, I gave up caring what other people thought long ago, but that moment of being told that "other parents have concerns" brought back the strangest feelings of isolation. Let's be brutally honest here, many NT parents just don't get (or care to attempt to get) that the issues your child is struggling with is not a reflection of you, but a serious neurological problem in them. So you stand on the sidelines & suddenly feel them looking down their noses at you. Wow. I haven't felt that in a long time (I think it went out the day Kman beat me with a summer sausage in the grocery store while screaming "wiiiieeeeener!"), but those words sure brought out all kinds of anxious isolating angst. Now I'll wonder, every time we get one of the whole-class invitations to a party - is this the parent that has an issue with my kid & is praying we don't show? Even beyond that... are parents planning parties & leaving my kid out completely? Nobody wants that. Not for themselves but especially not their kids. This is tough stuff. <br />Gosh, I'm not sure I shared anything that is of any value to anyone reading this (other than - you aren't the only one out there!!), and it was really more of a personal whine fest than anything else. Somehow it helped to say it. I'm still not really in the mood to talk about it. but I needed to get it off my chest!<br />The meeting yesterday was so much more than that tiny (hurtful) part. It was a very productive meeting & I really do feel like his school is doing all they can to help him succeed. There's a small difference in him now that the meds have been started (for at least a few hours anyway), and we'll play the dosage/combo game until we get it all worked out, but I don't think we can rely on just that as he gets further along in school. The school is going to do some more observations & they're going to try to work more positive rewards in for him meanwhile. We're going to meet again in a couple of weeks & I really hope things have improved already by then, but I have no doubt that we will get him to a wonderful place even if it's not that soon.<br />
He's SO smart. He's super creative. He's funny, and certainly the life of the party. He's in love with reading, and he's really getting curious about God on a deeper level. He's got so many amazing attributes, I really am blessed to have him in my life. Sometimes it's hard to see the good in the midst of life's troubles, but I don't ever want to take for granted what an amazing boy he is & I truly believe there are great things in store for his future. Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00419198723978831879noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6074485454717393392.post-17039435541900129232014-09-29T12:47:00.000-07:002014-09-29T12:52:38.550-07:00Hey Mom (and Dad), It WILL All Be Okay.I keep doing what I do because who else would do it?! Seriously?<br />
The number of you who reach out to me every time I post something makes me hurt. -not for you (although, I get it & sometimes I do hurt for you!), but for the fact that you don't feel you can be the voice you want to be, or for the fact that you feel lost in this crazy ADHD tailspin, or for the fact that you don't really have anyone to talk to - "nobody else GETS it". For whatever reason it is that you reach out to me (or even those of you who don't reach out, but so badly want to, you're just too afraid/unsure of what you need/too tired/etc/etc), it really matters to me that you do. I am so happy that I have family & friends that support me, my family, & my life. To be honest though, when I started this journey there were plenty of people who didn't support me. Those people have either been put aside (I really don't have time for that nonsense!), or they've come around. That's really the only options I offer. I am who I am & my family is what my family is. We struggle to survive some days & others we laugh at the shock on faces of people around us who have no clue what we're about. It wasn't easy getting to this point though, and like I said, I am lucky enough to have great support.<br />
You have all made me realize that what I have to say does matter to someone though, so maybe I"ll try a little harder to make time to share with you. This is a wonderful escape for me, I do love to write (though I'm not always as eloquent as I pretend to be in my head), and even more, I love to offer hope & support to others in this crazy journey. It's not just families affected by ADHD either, there's a whole pot of alphabet soup out there & so many of those combos don't have enough voices. I encourage each of you to reach out to someone who can help you. You might be surprised by how many others are feeling the same things you are & have no clue there's another family dealing with similar issues. Parents/families of special needs kids are more common than you may think, and most of us are feeling just as overwhelmed & often lonely as you are. <br />
I am a Christian, and I don't mean to isolate you if you are not, but it's very much a part of who I am & very much a part of where my strength comes from. Actually, it's often the ONLY place my strength comes from. In the most difficult of moments, I can lean on the fact that God is my son's Father & I should love him as much as He does. I am human, so I will never be able to love quite as perfectly & definitely not as unconditionally, but I sure come as close as I can!! God has made my son who he is for a reason, and He has loaned him to me for yet another reason. Some days I question those reasons quite honestly, and some days I literally cry out "WHY ME?", but I know it is all for a greater purpose than I can understand at this time. I am very weak, but just as God told Paul, His power shows up best in weak people. Wow, I must have super powers then 'cause... well, I'm weak.<br />
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All that aside, I just want each of you to know I am thinking of you, and your children, and these days are hard - so hard - but they will get better. The rewards we will each earn from the struggles of these children is so much more than we can imagine, and that's the truth whether you believe in God or not. Your children WILL one day see all that you have done for them & they will one day thank you in their own way. Do not give up on these beautiful children, or yourselves.<br />
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I'll be back soon to share about my latest meeting at school & how very overwhelming life is at this moment. Right now I just don't have it in me. I don't want to talk about it. I just wanted you to all know I appreciate you entrusting me with your own worries, fears, and joys & I really do care.Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00419198723978831879noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6074485454717393392.post-19281167024692423462014-09-18T18:59:00.001-07:002014-09-18T18:59:59.069-07:00My trip to Holland. (A day in the life of an ADHD family.)Wow. I just found this tucked away in my blog posts. I wrote it (about a year ago) & never posted it. I'm assuming I second-guessed my sharing, but I don't know. I think I'll share now. I'll share now because I have friends struggling & I want them to know they are not alone. I'll share now because I have friends who don't believe things could really be all I say. I'll share now because I'm sure I have friends who don't believe ADHD is real. I'll share now also because some stranger may stumble upon this & fall into any of those descriptions as well. Friends, strangers, anyone reading this... ADHD is so real, and it's a struggle for children & adults, boys & girls, rich & poor, country folks & urban dwellers... You get it, ADHD can impact anyone's life. There's not really a lot of research put into it like Autism (though most ADHDers do seem to fall somewhere on the spectrum), or several other childhood diseases/disorders/etc. There's not a lot of awareness either, just lots of (bad) jokes. Maybe if more of us dealing with it, either directly or through our children, share our experiences then people will start to understand that ADHD is so much more than those jokes imply.<br />
So, here's a glimpse into my <a href="http://www.our-kids.org/Archives/Holland.html">trip to Holland</a>...<br />
<br />
My son has ADHD. My life is incredibly hard because of it.<br />
I hope that one day he doesn't read this & hate me for it. I hope that he is never embarrassed by who he is, how he thinks, or what his mom (and dad) shared with the world. I feel like too many people are keeping quiet though, and so they feel alone... plus the outsiders - the ones who TRULY believe that you can "spank away" the ADHD, or that it's "made up" by parents. You know, those of us who are lazy & don't want to put effort into raising our kids. bwahahaha! If only they knew!! So, here it is - parenting an ADHD kid from a non ADHDer's point of view...<br />
My son is amazing. Quite possibly more amazing than a neurotypical child in so many ways. How? He doesn't give a flying flip about what other people think, how other people see things, or how much society pushes him to fit into the "norm". He likes what he likes. He does what he does. He is who he is & for the most part a stranger's opinion means nothing to him. Wouldn't it be fabulous to live like that?! He's also so very creative & full of life. I mean FULL of life. He sees the world in all it's beauty & is overwhelmed & excited by every tiny little thing. He doesn't walk through life only focused on his destination - he takes in ALL the scenery. Every. last. little. bit. He also stands his ground. if he believes something to be the truth you will not convince him otherwise. Really, he's amazing. Aren't all KIDS? ...let's stop focusing for one second on his diagnosis & remember that HE'S A KID. So many adults seem to forget that about him. Even his own parents. Because his wisdom is beyond his years & his stamina is well beyond ours. ;)<br />
My son has combined type ADHD (CHADD has info of the types of ADHD <a href="https://www.chadd.org/Understanding-ADHD/Adults-with-ADHD/Symptoms-and-Causes.aspx">here</a>). As with most cases, he also comorbid conditions (read about those <a href="http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/1476.html">here</a> at ADDitude Magazine) of ODD (<a href="http://www.additudemag.com/adhd-web/article/4646.html">Oppositional Defiant Disorder</a>) which is more difficult to manage than you can even imagine, & some SPD (<a href="http://www.spdfoundation.net/about-sensory-processing-disorder.html">Sensory Processing Disorder</a>), which does seem to be slowly improving. He has some other things going on that lead us to believe there's more... but there is no official diagnosis beyond what I've listed & really that's not even what I'm here to talk about. :) I just wanted to offer some FACTS about the stuff he lives with daily. Now, let me tell you what I live with daily...<br />
My day starts anywhere from 6-7 (though occasionally much, much earlier). I don't even have time to get a cup of coffee in me before K comes bouncing in, demanding things & making insanely annoying sounds. He is a big fan of screeching. Always has been. ALWAYS. Every year I think he'll outgrow it... but, not so much. (He's 6.5 by the way.) He wants breakfast (and I say a silent THANK YOU because he's actually hungry!), but he wants to eat it in "THIS ROOM". When I tell him to sit at the table instead, all hell often breaks loose. On the days it doesn't, he gets his brother (he's 1.5) in on the action by telling him to scream, or throw things, or whatever else crazy idea comes to his mind. I finally get food in him, give him his meds (that take an hour to kick in), and try to sit down & do a devotional with him. Some days that doesn't go so well (like today). So, he moves on to dancing around, throwing toys (in a playful way, but still!), banging on anything that may make a loud sound, and of course there's screeching. Often there is yelling too. If I'm lucky, by this point I've gotten at least part of a cup of coffee down.<br />
Once he's *finally* dressed/brushed/shoed for school, we head off. If we're walking, there's usually a big struggle of keeping up with him while pushing his brother. Making sure he doesn't run in front of cars (our neighborhood has no sidewalks!), and trying to keep him from screaming & waking up all the neighbors. Usually his meds do kick in sometime on the way to school. <br />
I get a "break" for 7 hours while he's in school, but I spend a lot of that time worrying that he's being ignored by classmates, yelled at by staff, not getting enough attention from his teacher, and of course I know he's hardly eating any of his lunch even though I packed his favorite things. (On the subject, let's not judge other kids' lunches, okay? I put stuff in there that isn't ideal for what I want a kid eating, but my goal during his medicated hours is to get SOMETHING in him. If that means that today he's eating Cheetos, Muscle Milk, & freeze dried apples, then that's what it is. ...though that would honestly be a feast for him. I'm more likely to see 3/4 of the Muscle Milk & all of the apples back at home for snack time.)<br />
When I pick him up, he's usually in a pretty good mood. Sometimes he gets to have a playdate or we go somewhere fun, but usually he has a schedule that we stick to. Ever minute of his day has to be planned out or he goes apesh!t. Sorry, but that's the honest truth. He thrives on schedules. ...can you imagine having to keep up with a toddler AND ensure that your 6.5 year old is following a schedule every minute of the day? EX.HAUS.TING. For real.<br />
Around 4 the fun starts back up.<br />
Screeching. Yelling. Silly noises. Running into walls. Banging on things. You know, anything loud & crazy. He loves that stuff. Keeping him busy (and sticking to his schedule) helps a lot, but some days are just CRAZY. Also, if he had a rough day at school, he's probably starting to take that out on me by now. Yay. I feel honored that he knows I love him so much that he can't hurt me... but, man, does it hurt! It's so hard. I find myself yelling. I hate yelling. I find myself wanting to run away. I find myself losing my ever loving mind!! ...but it's only 4pm!<br />
Dinner time always goes the same. We all sit down, the food is served, and immediately "I don't like..." "I am NOT eating...". Every time. Even the days that I specifically make stuff he likes, so that I don't have to hear all that. Once he finally starts eating something, he also starts getting his brother to act up again. Spitting grapes across the table, screeching, standing in the high chair... <strike>If he spills something</strike> WHEN he spills something (because he's acting silly), he licks it right off the table. Yum. Some days he throws such a huge fit over eating his food (because, you know, his favorite food from yesterday is horrendous today), that he's left sitting all alone at the table an hour later. That doesn't go over well - he starts throwing the chairs or banging them into the wall. He calls us names. He screams loud enough that I'm actually really surprised the cops have never been called. Eventually he does eat the food, but mom & dad are mentally exhausted by then. Yes, pick your battles... we do. Sometimes he really needs to eat though. He's just too skinny.<br />
The rest of the evening is full of some laughter, lots of screaming, often crying, more screeching, lots & lots & lots of activity. I've never, ever seen a kid move so much! I wish words could explain how much he GOES. They can't though. He's just always, always, always moving.<br />
He gets a sleep aid with dinner. It takes 2+ hours to kick in, even though it's supposed to make him tired right away. hahaha, funny. By 8(ish) he's supposed to be winding down for bed. He usually is at least in bed by 9. But bedtime is full of rituals. He has to have a certain blanket, he has to have his Dreamlight turned a certain way, must have the right white noise on, he has to give us hugs in a certain order, be tucked in, have his water, then he has to say his prayer (the same one, always), then tell his dad the "magic words" (he's said these since he was 2, though he has at least shortened it!) "mwah, mwah, mwah, have a fabulous night-night, check & bye-bye. If I'm in my room check on me 5 times & cuddle with me googaplex times.". Then I have to tuck the blanket up by his head, hug him, & he has to tell me the magic words. All done! ...hahahaha, no. Then he has to tell me anything & everything he can think up on the spot to keep me from leaving. AND, when I finally get to leave, I have to lay in my bedroom next door until he's asleep. Plus, we have to have certain lights on. (Heaven help you if you turn them off in the middle of the night because he WILL wake up!) If all of those things as done just right, he'll be asleep in 15-30 minutes. ...at least for a while. :p <br />
Then, 2am comes & he screams for me. He can't sleep. Some days I can just sit with him & he drifts back off... some days it's a struggle. Some mornings he's up at 4am (or earlier, blah) to start the day. A lot of those days he will go play video games & not wake me. ...on purpose. He turns on every light in the house though, and I have mommy instincts that kick in even w/out all the lights on. Those days, those are great. Especially since the toddler still doesn't sleep all night either. :)<br />
Some of you may read this & think it's not that different from your days. But this is EVERY day. Without fail. I really can't convey the full craziness of it in words either. It's exhausting though! In some ways, it has gotten better with age (he can do more for himself at least!), but not at all like I always thought. I've known something was different about his since pretty much day 1, but I had no doubts by 9 months. He's insanely smart, but the energy & lack of impulse control is so draining!!<br />
I can't even tell you all the crazy things that he's done in public. He punched a big screen tv (the display) in Best Buy once. One day, he picked up a sausage & beat me with it while screaming "wiener!" at the grocery store. He escaped from his preschool when he was 4. Thankfully it was almost pick-up time & his Ma saw him. He tried to dive off a 10' ledge into a shallow pool of water when he was 3, but I was *right there*, as always, and saved him. I was always seen as a helicopter parent when he was a toddler, but if I wasn't 3 steps ahead of him, he possibly wouldn't have survived his own lack of impulse control. We got lots & lots of notes/calls about him hitting/pushing/shoving kids in preschool. I had to chase him through all of Costco once. Just recently he walked across a street right in front of a truck that was *luckily* watching & slammed on their brakes. He's thrown the most epic fits of all time in public, and as others gawked & commented on my parenting skills, I proceeded with the directions I had been given in behavioral therapy (yeah, get off your high horses people, some of us DO set boundaries & still end up as THAT parent in the store). I've been slapped, hit, pinched, called names, yelled at, kicked... and cried on more times than I can count. At 6.5 he still sometimes has tantrums bigger than most 2 year olds can throw. <br />
I tried EVERYTHING I could to help him, without medicating him. It isn't an easy decision for any parent to make, to medicate their precious child. It wasn't about me "controlling" him or "not wanting to deal", it was knowing that he couldn't function in this world unmedicated. Without meds he has no control over his actions, he can't focus on anything, and he's crazy mean. I still question my choice to medicate him. Daily. However, he's doing well (academically) in school, he's able to go out & do "normal" things during the day, and he's this amazing, thoughtful & loving kid. When I took him in to see about medicating him, the director made it clear that they do not like to use medication as a first line of help. Before our interview was even finished, before his official tests were even back, she suggested I go ahead & make an appt with the psychiatrist. It was obvious to her that I HAD tried every other option & that he needed more help than I could give him. His psychiatrist has been great, and being medicated has really helped him in so many ways. I can't say if I'll continue to medicate him forever, but I can say that HE prefers the way he feels medicated. He feels out of control & sad when he's not medicated. At 6 he knows that?! <br />
Stop judging us. Stop thinking we're lazy parents because we medicate our kids. Most of us medicate them so they can function in school & we see very little of that side of them at home. We all struggle with the choice we made (parents who don't medicate struggle with that choice too!), and we're all just trying to do the best we can for our kids. Also, doctors aren't just handing out pills. It's not that easy. ESPECIALLY for young kids. Most pediatricians won't medicate young kids & there aren't tons of child psychiatrists out there (at least not around me, and I live in one of the biggest cities in the US). Nobody wants to create zombies out of children, we just want to help them see the world clearly & be the best they can be.<br />
Oh, and also, stop the crap about spanking it out of them. You can't spank ADHD out of a person any more than you can hug depression out, or smile aggression away. Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00419198723978831879noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6074485454717393392.post-29810233547274820692014-09-18T12:34:00.001-07:002014-09-18T18:39:17.637-07:00I wake up. ...an update on being an (exhausted) ADHD mom.Yesterday morning, Sweetiepiesparkles tripped over the sidewalk. He'd had a rather rough day the day before, so I asked him if he was going to have another rough day. His response was "I wake up mommy, I wake up.".<br />
Such an innocent statement that had such a profound meaning to ME. Lately (and especially this week!) I feel like just waking up = a rough day. I've cleaned poop from places it shouldn't be, I've cleaned pee off of walls, I've gotten emails & calls about Kman from school, I've had a flat tire, endless laundry & dishes, complete exhaustion to battle (gee, I wonder why!)... the list goes on & on. It's nothing especially out of the norm (okay, maybe my kids don't <i>usually</i> poop outside in a pile of dog poo...), but when it all seems to be piling up... Wow. <br />
I feel overwhelmed & helpless. I feel lost, and yet I'm the leader. So many people truly seem to believe ADHD is not real. I am here to tell you with so. much. conviction that it IS real. The hardest part of having a child with ADHD is that he overwhelms the family. I don't necessarily mean that in a bad way, but sometimes it is bad. He is SO MUCH. He's more awesome than any kid I've ever met. He's full of so much more energy than anyone I've ever met. He's so, so, so smart. He's the center of attention 110% of the day. When he's not the center, for just a brief moment, he makes himself the center. Everything in our lives revolve around him. It's exhausting & just so very difficult. Seriously, imagine one of your kids going 90 to nothing from 7am - 9pm (on a good day ;)) & pulling everything around him in to him, him, him. When he's happy (which is not often enough!), the whole family is happy. When he's angry, he sucks us all into anger. When he's sad, we're all sad. When he's anxious, we're all on edge. The only thing he doesn't seem to share is all that energy. I <i>really</i> wish he'd share that!!<br />
I decided early on this summer to stop medicating him. I grew to love who he was all over again (even though I became more exhausted). He started eating & gained lots of weight. He started sleeping (first time in 7 years!!!!). He started being his crazy, carefree self. So when it came time for school, I continued on without medicating him. I met with the school beforehand & gave them a very detailed portfolio all about how awesome he is, and also all the quirks he has that would *no doubt* become apparent & need to be addressed.<br />
From day 1, there have been issues, all of which are typical ADHD behaviors & nothing shocking to me. He climbs the walls in the bathroom. He doesn't stop talking, ever. He sucks all the energy of the classroom into him *spotlight*. He doesn't follow directions. He doesn't pay attention. He doesn't stop even after multiple warnings. He stuck a paperclip in an outlet (who knew you needed to babyproof for a 7 year old? ...well, actually, *I* knew). He is a hot mess at school, and school just isn't the right place to be a hot mess. If I homeschooled him, he could be all that, it would be okay, we would make it work. Simple truth though, I have no interest in attempting homeschool. At least right now. Maybe not ever. Who knows what the future will bring though. So, back to the drawingboard we all go. His teachers, his counselor, his #1 advocate (me, duh). We all have to figure this out & make things right for him. <br />
I asked him this morning what he wanted. I asked him point-blank if he preferred being medicated. He said, for school, yes. So, there you have it. I won't deny what he wants, since he knows what feels best. I want to do right by him. Is 7 too young to make that decision? I don't know, but I know that I'm struggling, so I'll do what he feels is best. Or I'll attempt it at least. That means finding a new dr though. One that will listen to me. One that won't add meds on top of meds to cover up side effects. The problem is, there aren't that many pediatric psychiatrists out there. So, all those folks that think it's sooooo easy to get meds for kids & turn them into "zombies", let me tell you - NOPE. Not so easy. There are so many regulations around it all that it's like an act of congress to get them. At least it is for me.<br />
I think I planned on taking this post somewhere else entirely, but I got distracted by a phone call from the school. (Go figure.) Of course, I also happened to get a call from a robot-telemarketer that said "I just won a free trip to the Bahamas". IF. ONLY. I'd be on the first plane!! ...no, actually I wouldn't, there are 2 amazing little boys here that need their mommy to be their voice when they don't have the words. As exhausting as it is, I cannot imagine any greater calling in my life than to be the mother of these 2 incredible little guys. Thank you God for knowing better than I. For knowing that these lives would change mine in such a way that I can't even begin to comprehend. Thank you God for entrusting such a spirited child into my care, so that I may grow to be a more patient & caring person. Help me to do right by him & help me to know that it's okay to make mistakes - as long as I learn from them. Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00419198723978831879noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6074485454717393392.post-20771054501418107622014-01-16T18:46:00.001-08:002014-01-16T18:56:12.518-08:00My Whole 30 adventure - so far...Over Christmas my sister (<a href="http://healthyhappyshannon.blogspot.com/">Healthy, Happy Shannon</a>) asked if I wanted to join her in doing a Whole 30 (it's her second!). I said no at first - give up DAIRY?! absolutely no processed foods? NO. MORE. CHOCOLATE?!!! (the hubby gave me a *crap-ton* of chocolate for Christmas)... then I decided - why not? I do love a good challenge after all! Now that we're half way through this, & a lot of friends have asked about what it is & whether they should do it too, I thought I'd share my experience.<br />
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First of all, the shortened version of the rules are:<br />
#1 - EAT <b><i>REAL</i></b> FOOD.<br />
No sugar & no sugar substitutes, even if they're Paleo approved. (So no honey or maple syrup even!)<br />
No alcohol, no grains, no legumes, no diary, no white potatoes.<br />
No carrageenan, MSG, or sulfites.<br />
No Paleo-ifying foods (no banana ice cream, no flourless brownies, no coconut flour baked goods, etc).<br />
You can read the specifics <a href="http://whole30.com/whole30-program-rules/">here</a> along with the reasoning behind them.<br />
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I wish I recalled better (or kept a journal) how each day went early on because I know there were some diet related issues happening here & there, but I forget all the specifics now. Day 1 & day 2 were no big deal really. Except for the part where I couldn't have creamer in my coffee! I also had to catch myself before doing stuff like licking peanut butter off my hands after making the boys' sandwiches, or eating the leftover crust. Around day 6 or 7 I wanted to "kill all the things!", it was a really rough day! That was followed by a couple of days of exhaustion (I actually fell asleep in the middle of the afternoon one day, while the boys ran around doing who-knows-what. Oops.). On day 12 I wasn't hungry. I didn't understand this one, it was really weird!!! I am always hungry! Now, on day 16, I'm not seeing what the big deal is about this whole deal. Let's see if that lasts... (For more on what to expect, check out <a href="http://whole9life.com/2013/08/revised-timeline/">this timeline</a>.)<br />
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I'm a little shocked to say it, but at this point I really don't have any cravings anymore. I also don't generally want to eat outside of the 3 main meals every day (which is what is recommended on the W30, no/little snacking). I've grown to love coffee with just a little coconut milk. No sugar, no dairy, and I'd probably be okay with just drinking it black if that's all I had. :o I feel AMAZING. When someone sits in front of me & eats *insert anything yummy but not W30 approved* I really have no desire for it. (Whereas most "diets" make you go crazy wanting whatever it is.) I have lots more energy & feel like I'm getting so much more stuff done these days! (Granted, I also started working out regularly again, which helps a lot with energy & mood levels, so I suppose it's hard to say if it's the W30 or not.) I feel happier & more relaxed. I'm sleeping better (but that's also thanks to 2 kids who are *finally* giving their mommy a break!). I think my biggest temptation so far has been to get on the scale. I'm not really even doing this for weight loss (though I do hope it's a side effect ;)), but I'm super curious! I'm not sure if W30 has done anything to clear my skin (that seems to be a big deal to a lot of people), but I am already aware that gluten causes my skin to break out. Maybe this is how some people learn that? I don't feel like my clothes are any looser, but I haven't worn much besides workout clothes & pajamas (sad, huh?), so who knows? I'm learning to appreciate food in a new way, and learning that a lot of the crap I usually eat isn't really necessary. I'm satisfied & enjoying what I'm eating (though all the eggs in the morning do get old), and I don't feel like I'm missing a thing.<br />
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I don't think this has been as challenging for me as it is for some people because it's really not all that different than my typical diet. I eat a gluten free diet anyway & I don't eat tons of processed food generally. I do usually eat a lot of dairy - I mean A LOT - so that's my biggest challenge really. There is also more sugar in my diet than I really need (though not as much as a typical American consumes), and I am learning that I do eat out of habit/boredom some, which I'm not doing now. I do know I'm a stress/comfort eater, so I'm glad I haven't had a day that really drove me to wanting to fill that need. Though, again, my mood is so much happier that I'm avoiding typical stressors just by having a more positive attitude. It's also not as challenging for me as for some people because I am lucky enough to be a very disciplined person (when I want to be). If I say I'm going to do something - especially if I make it public knowledge - I do it. I think it's one of my better traits.<br />
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As of right now, I'm not sure what my next step will be after the 30 days are up. I will say, I've been thinking of bubble tea a lot (not quite "craving" it, but it's floating in my head a lot). I think I may have to have one on day 31 (and, wow, I don't think I've had any since we move to Houston!), but there's nothing else I feel like I'm just really wanting to indulge in. I feel like "rewarding" myself on day 31 by eating a bunch of crap would be rather silly. Right now I feel like I may continue on a mostly Paleo diet going forward. Probably not quite so strict (I may lick the peanut butter off my fingers again & possibly go out to eat from time to time), but eating REAL FOOD feels right. I'm also kinda considering a little less meat in my life again... but I'm not sure I want to jump back into vegetarianism again just yet. I may challenge myself a little with a vegan/Paleo diet attempt even - but not right away.<br />
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So, there are my thoughts on this Whole 30 thing so far. I do think it's a great thing to try. If you have any amount of desire to see what it's about, just do it. It's ONLY 30 days. I know that seems hard, but it's really not! I know what you're thinking... keep in mind, that while I am doing this, no-one else in my family is. I totally get that it's hard to feed yourself in this way when the rest of your family is wanting to eat differently, but it's totally possible. Also, I've already found myself considering how I can slowly sneak the rest of the family (well, the kids at least) over to a diet more like this. Yep, 16 days in I'm already realizing how beneficial it would be for all of us. :)Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00419198723978831879noreply@blogger.com0