Shortly before Christmas break I finally decided I'd had enough of indecisiveness about homeschooling Kman. The amount of time I spent trying to decide what was best & stressing over if what I was doing was right or if what I could be doing was right... it was all-consuming! So, I decided to pull him. I told his school the afternoon before their last day of the December, but I didn't tell him for several more days. I was SCARED. I know Kman, he's unpredictable. I didn't want to deal with the drama. Once I finally did tell him, he flipped out. He was SO mad & told me I ruined his year. (Which means I'm totally doing this parenting thing right, because we're SUPPOSED to ruin everything, right???) He worked through a lot of anxiety about it & by last night was pretty excited to start something new.
This morning he woke up & right away asked if we could start school. Of course, when I mentioned his excitement he told me that wasn't it at all, he just wanted to "get it over with". I'm calling that bluff though. He was excited. Yay!
The day actually went better than I imagined, though I'm sure there will be rough days throughout our homeschooling journey. We started with a short Bible study (score 1 for no more public school!), then did art. Today we did glue drawings. He didn't quit catch on to it like I thought he would, but he did his drawing anyway & tomorrow we will chalk paint them so he can better understand why he was supposed to do it the way I said. Next came math, which was the moment of freak out for Kman. See, he's REALLY good at math, but school had somehow made him grow to hate it. He was very resistant to having to sit with me & study math. ...then I brought out Life of Fred & he was relieved. Just based on today's experience, I think LoF might be a perfect fit for us. We've only made it through 2 chapters of Apples though, so I'll withhold my songs of praise for now.
Then
We went for a walk! We fed the ducks (he even got one to eat out of his hands!), we dug in mud (well, not so much ME), and we got to chat with friends. -but, wait, aren't homeschooled kids totally deprived of social interaction? bwahahahaha!
We came home, had lunch, Kman had about an hour to get his chore done (today was washing his sheets) & do whatever he felt like. Then, handwriting. I've been working on this for a few months now, so we took out the Handwriting for a Reason book & he did 2 lessons. Meanwhile, Sweetie Pie Sparkles was playing PlayDoh. Once he finished his handwriting, Kman joined him & I read from 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea while Kman worked on a PlayDoh design to go with the story. He chose to make Abraham Lincoln, since the boat was named after him. After a few chapters, my voice was shot, so we called t good. Then the 3 of us spent a good half hour being silly with PlayDoh. Kman still had to read before we could finish the school day, so he read a couple chapters of one of his I Survived books & then we headed out for a couple of hours at the playground. (Well, actually, the boys mostly played in the "forest", my kids are just much more into adventures than playgrounds these days.)
That was it. We survived our first day of homeschool & it was actually kinda fun. I was afraid I'd be so worn out (I am, but that's because neither of them wanted to sleep last night) & frustrated by the end of the day that I'd want to run away. I'm sure I will have those days, but today wasn't really one. Even as Sweetie Pie Sparkles has decided to give up naps, so it was allll day with both of them. Guess what though? I actually kinda like my kids. ;) Being able to spend this precious time with them is a blessing (remind me of that on rough days, please!), and growing a stronger bond between the 3 of us will no doubt be amazing. I guess I'm kind of getting to make up for the time I didn't get to have with Kman when I had to work full time. Now I'm getting to teach him even better things than how to talk and use a potty and all that. This is way more fun! I'm going to be a little more tired and I'm going to be a lot more talked out (BOTH of my boys like to talk - all. day. long), and some days I'm sure I'll feel ready to run away forever... but when I look back I hope I remember these days with as much fondness & enlightenment as I have tonight.
For any doubts that I had about whether this was the right thing or not, today made me feel more sure that this IS the right thing for Kman & for our family in general. So, here's to 2015 & all the drastic lifestyle changes it brings our family. ...and also to lessening our stress because let's face it, not waking up to an alarm clock & not dealing with homework drama is going to be a major de-stresser!
Monday, January 5, 2015
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
2015
The past few years have been full of big changes & exhausting challenges. There was selling a house (that took 6 months, mind you!), adding a new baby, moving away from the city we called home all our lives, sending Kman off to school, building a house, saying goodbye to loved ones, and so many more life changing events. 2015 will certainly continue that trend as we take on some serious lifestyle changes in our family. For now though, let's talk about everyone's favorite New Years topic... RESOLUTIONS.
his year I decided to make just 2 resolutions:
1 - Be more present & more patient with my kids.
2 - Run
I think the first is actually kinda two, but they will easily go hand in hand. If I'm more present (not allowing technology, to-do lists, and all the other distracting things to be my priority over my kids), I will be more patient. ...and by being more patient (slowing down, taking time to show them how to do things, to not get so upset when they make mistakes, to really listen to their words, and to truly appreciate every moment I have with them), I will be more present. It almost seems like a silly thing to make into a resolution, but I'm being honest by saying it isn't happening enough now & I need to resolve to do better.
The second resolution is really as simple as I put it. Run. I don't want to aspire to any particular mileage, race, PR, or any other running-related goal, I just want to get back to running. Since having Graham (well, actually since about the third trimester with him), my running has been very sporadic. I've lost a lot of the joy I get from it which has held me back from re-establishing the habit. (Not to mention the fact that I've lost my running partner which makes running not nearly as fun.) I feel so much better when I run though. I have more energy, less stress, and honestly, it lifts my mood in general. 2015 has to be the year I get back to the joy of running. Hopefully I'll find a way to make it a regular part of my schedule, but even if I don't, I'm resolving just to do it. 1 mile a week, 10 miles a day, whatever it is, I resolve to do it. I do plan to run a full marathon still, but I don't think 2015 will be the year.
annnnnnnd, now, I must act upon the first resolution before I even start the new year, as Sweetie Pie Sparkles is begging to sit in his mommy's lap. :)
his year I decided to make just 2 resolutions:
1 - Be more present & more patient with my kids.
2 - Run
I think the first is actually kinda two, but they will easily go hand in hand. If I'm more present (not allowing technology, to-do lists, and all the other distracting things to be my priority over my kids), I will be more patient. ...and by being more patient (slowing down, taking time to show them how to do things, to not get so upset when they make mistakes, to really listen to their words, and to truly appreciate every moment I have with them), I will be more present. It almost seems like a silly thing to make into a resolution, but I'm being honest by saying it isn't happening enough now & I need to resolve to do better.
The second resolution is really as simple as I put it. Run. I don't want to aspire to any particular mileage, race, PR, or any other running-related goal, I just want to get back to running. Since having Graham (well, actually since about the third trimester with him), my running has been very sporadic. I've lost a lot of the joy I get from it which has held me back from re-establishing the habit. (Not to mention the fact that I've lost my running partner which makes running not nearly as fun.) I feel so much better when I run though. I have more energy, less stress, and honestly, it lifts my mood in general. 2015 has to be the year I get back to the joy of running. Hopefully I'll find a way to make it a regular part of my schedule, but even if I don't, I'm resolving just to do it. 1 mile a week, 10 miles a day, whatever it is, I resolve to do it. I do plan to run a full marathon still, but I don't think 2015 will be the year.
annnnnnnd, now, I must act upon the first resolution before I even start the new year, as Sweetie Pie Sparkles is begging to sit in his mommy's lap. :)
Sunday, December 14, 2014
Never Once
Standing on this mountaintop, looking just how far we've come; knowing that for every step, you were with us.
Kneeling on this battleground, seeing just how much you've done; knowing every victory was your power in us.
Scars & struggles on the way, but with joy our hearts can say:
Never once did we ever walk alone.
Never once did you leave us on our own.
You are faithful, God, you are faithful.
Those are powerful words to Never Once, a beautiful song by Matt Redman. I encourage you to look it up on YouTube & listen, if you're struggling with anything (and who isn't?!) it's so moving!
What brought that up? Well, this morning I was eager to go to church, but also totally not feeling it. It's been such a rough week with Kman & I've fallen to my knees (yes, literally) many, many, many times this week, begging, pleading, crying... The bad behavior marks, the "oops slips", the comments by other people, the chaos of our daily lives, the frustration of living with a child who doesn't hear & respond to things in ways that most people do, the disappointment (once again) in not being able to do "normal" holiday stuff like "everyone else" gets to... I just don't understand how I am suppose to get through this, I don't understand why I was chosen to be his mother, I don't have a clue why God thought I could handle even a fraction of all that we struggle through every day with Kman - yet here we are. So, as I was getting ready this morning & debating if I really wanted to drag the kids to church or not, a quiet voice (not literally for those of you keeping tabs) said to just go. If nothing else, it's a little over an hour of free babysitting. :p (That's mostly a joke, even if it's not a good one.)
We got the kids dropped off, got the hubby ((more)) caffeinated, and settled into our seats. When the music started, I still wasn't feeling it. Then came this song. I was holding back the tears as best I could, but a few still managed to leak out. I have felt SO alone SO often lately. Nobody else understands my exact struggle. Sure, there are other parents of special needs kids - some battling bigger obstacles, some smaller, some similar - but every journey is unique, so none of us can completely understand the battle of another. Sure, there are other people who truly love Kman & feel true sadness, frustration, worry, exhaustion, etc - but none of them feels it the same as I do because I am his MOTHER. Not even his dad takes it on in the same way that I do. Oh, I could go on & on with comparisons, but the point is, no matter who else might be able to kind of understand, to empathize with me, to support me, etc, nobody else is as knee deep in this exact struggle as me. I have felt so very alone!!
Then, this song.
Never once did I ever walk alone - never once did God leave me on my own. God is faithful. It's me that's not being so faithful. I fall to my knees & beg for him to help me, but, I'm looking for him to erase all the hard times, wipe away all the tears, make the heartache go completely away. It doesn't work that way. Can any of us, as parents, make life so that our children never feel pain, face difficulties, or have their heart break? No. He is not leaving me alone, He is my father & here to hold me, to listen to me, to comfort me, but He's not ever going to just take it all away. Every time I've fallen down & pleaded for help, I'm sure it has been given, but I've been looking for it in the wrong way.
It's time to quit being so full of "whoa is me" & start finding contentment in what I have on my plate. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am. (You may know this better as "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength".) I can make it through anything, and the struggles of my life are certainly something. That doesn't mean I won't cry out in frustration, pleading for an easier day ahead. That doesn't mean I won't ask for help when I'm drowning in the midst of emotional turmoil. That doesn't mean I will cease to feel the pain or that the burdens of my day will become obsolete. It simply means that no matter who hard any particular day, hour, or moment is, I will be okay in knowing that God has me in His hands & it will all work for His greater will.
Kman will do great things in his life. I have no doubt of that. We will all survive his childhood. I do often have doubts of that... but I trust that God has that all worked out. Right now I'm tasked with teaching him how to trust in God & not worry about what any man thinks or says about him. That's a hard lesson for a young guy, but you can't even imagine the struggles he faces every day. I stumbled across a website written by a young ADHDer (adhdkidsrock.com) & found the young man's purpose statement so fitting for Kman, as he often complains of these problems. In fact, I think he could've written this himself. Stop and think about these words coming out of the mouth of ADHD kids next time you're quick to judge the actions of kids you don't know...
"My life sometimes has been ridiculously hard because I have ADHD - mostly because people don't understand me. They think I'm bad, what they don't see is how much I struggle and how hard I'm trying to be good and to fit in. In turn this has taught me compassion for others who are different. They think I'm stupid, but if they really got to know me they would know how incredibly intelligent and caring I am. They think I'm going to be a failure and I'm going to prove them wrong."
Kneeling on this battleground, seeing just how much you've done; knowing every victory was your power in us.
Scars & struggles on the way, but with joy our hearts can say:
Never once did we ever walk alone.
Never once did you leave us on our own.
You are faithful, God, you are faithful.
Those are powerful words to Never Once, a beautiful song by Matt Redman. I encourage you to look it up on YouTube & listen, if you're struggling with anything (and who isn't?!) it's so moving!
What brought that up? Well, this morning I was eager to go to church, but also totally not feeling it. It's been such a rough week with Kman & I've fallen to my knees (yes, literally) many, many, many times this week, begging, pleading, crying... The bad behavior marks, the "oops slips", the comments by other people, the chaos of our daily lives, the frustration of living with a child who doesn't hear & respond to things in ways that most people do, the disappointment (once again) in not being able to do "normal" holiday stuff like "everyone else" gets to... I just don't understand how I am suppose to get through this, I don't understand why I was chosen to be his mother, I don't have a clue why God thought I could handle even a fraction of all that we struggle through every day with Kman - yet here we are. So, as I was getting ready this morning & debating if I really wanted to drag the kids to church or not, a quiet voice (not literally for those of you keeping tabs) said to just go. If nothing else, it's a little over an hour of free babysitting. :p (That's mostly a joke, even if it's not a good one.)
We got the kids dropped off, got the hubby ((more)) caffeinated, and settled into our seats. When the music started, I still wasn't feeling it. Then came this song. I was holding back the tears as best I could, but a few still managed to leak out. I have felt SO alone SO often lately. Nobody else understands my exact struggle. Sure, there are other parents of special needs kids - some battling bigger obstacles, some smaller, some similar - but every journey is unique, so none of us can completely understand the battle of another. Sure, there are other people who truly love Kman & feel true sadness, frustration, worry, exhaustion, etc - but none of them feels it the same as I do because I am his MOTHER. Not even his dad takes it on in the same way that I do. Oh, I could go on & on with comparisons, but the point is, no matter who else might be able to kind of understand, to empathize with me, to support me, etc, nobody else is as knee deep in this exact struggle as me. I have felt so very alone!!
Then, this song.
Never once did I ever walk alone - never once did God leave me on my own. God is faithful. It's me that's not being so faithful. I fall to my knees & beg for him to help me, but, I'm looking for him to erase all the hard times, wipe away all the tears, make the heartache go completely away. It doesn't work that way. Can any of us, as parents, make life so that our children never feel pain, face difficulties, or have their heart break? No. He is not leaving me alone, He is my father & here to hold me, to listen to me, to comfort me, but He's not ever going to just take it all away. Every time I've fallen down & pleaded for help, I'm sure it has been given, but I've been looking for it in the wrong way.
It's time to quit being so full of "whoa is me" & start finding contentment in what I have on my plate. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am. (You may know this better as "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength".) I can make it through anything, and the struggles of my life are certainly something. That doesn't mean I won't cry out in frustration, pleading for an easier day ahead. That doesn't mean I won't ask for help when I'm drowning in the midst of emotional turmoil. That doesn't mean I will cease to feel the pain or that the burdens of my day will become obsolete. It simply means that no matter who hard any particular day, hour, or moment is, I will be okay in knowing that God has me in His hands & it will all work for His greater will.
Kman will do great things in his life. I have no doubt of that. We will all survive his childhood. I do often have doubts of that... but I trust that God has that all worked out. Right now I'm tasked with teaching him how to trust in God & not worry about what any man thinks or says about him. That's a hard lesson for a young guy, but you can't even imagine the struggles he faces every day. I stumbled across a website written by a young ADHDer (adhdkidsrock.com) & found the young man's purpose statement so fitting for Kman, as he often complains of these problems. In fact, I think he could've written this himself. Stop and think about these words coming out of the mouth of ADHD kids next time you're quick to judge the actions of kids you don't know...
"My life sometimes has been ridiculously hard because I have ADHD - mostly because people don't understand me. They think I'm bad, what they don't see is how much I struggle and how hard I'm trying to be good and to fit in. In turn this has taught me compassion for others who are different. They think I'm stupid, but if they really got to know me they would know how incredibly intelligent and caring I am. They think I'm going to be a failure and I'm going to prove them wrong."
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